Missing Chapters

Chapter 10: Past Mistakes

                                 Chapter 10: past mistakes

Sam didn't want this confrontation with his brother to happen at all but it seemed there was no way around it. Sam wondered if he should tell Dean about what happened between him & Jo while Dean was in hell. Yes, that is the last secret that Sam is keeping from Dean and Ruby but Jo hasn't said anything about their night together either. It happened two months after Dean went to hell.

Flashback five months ago: Jo told Dean everything about the night that she saw Sam & Ruby kiss but she left out some crucial details. Such as that, Sam stayed there long after Ruby left the bar. When Sam stumbled into the bar that night it was late, he was already halfway drunk. Jo was working there all alone, her mom was gone, she hadn't told Ellen about the baby yet but Jo knew, she went to a doctor to make sure even. It was a fact of her life now, in a few short months there would be a new life and it would change her life forever. She was just about to close up when Sam stumbled in reeking of alcohol. Seeing Sam made her feel sick because it made her think of Dean, which she didn't want to do.

Jo said, "Hey, Sam? What you doing here?"

Sam looked up at her like he only just noticed her there.

Then he said, "Jo? I'm sorry but I tried and I can't do it without him."

He looked so broken and she wanted to fix it for him but she knew that she couldn't. This is when Ruby chose to appear. She tried to get him to stop drinking but he wouldn't listen to her either. Then Ruby grabbed Sam, kissed him hard, she pushed her whole body up against his. After a few moments Sam pushed her away and told her to leave. She did but not before she put on a show for Jo. Ruby tried her best to convince Jo that her & Sam were lovers even though they weren't at that point.

After Ruby left Sam put his head down on the bar and sobbed quietly to himself. Jo went over to him, only to comfort him, she never meant for it to go as far as it did. One moment Jo's hugging Sam and the next he is kissing her so hard that she can barely breathe. They made love in her mom's room, if it can be called making love when there was no love involved, only despair and desperation to hang on to anything or anyone. It wasn't soft or gentle, it was hard, fast and then it was over. The next morning they had awoken to the reality of what they had done. Jo didn't say anything at all she was at a loss for words.

After Sam put his clothes on he turned to Jo and said, "Hey you ok Jo? What does this mean?"

Jo looked away like she couldn't bear to look at him, then she quietly said, "Nothing at all, just go back to Ruby Sam, that's where you belong, not with me. Just please go and let us never speak of this night again?"

Sam got really angry at Jo, he said, "I can't believe you, even after everything that Dean has done, you still want him? You wish that he was here instead of me, don't you? Is that why you had sex with me last night? Don't think that I didn't know that you were thinking about my brother, when I was touching you, cause I did but I just didn't care. You have to know that he never loved you and he never would have either, even if he didn't go to hell. You really thought that you knew him? You didn't, he was a selfish bastard, who only cared about himself.

Do you even know why he made the deal? Not just to save me but because he didn't want to be here alone. Sometimes I want to hate him because I am beyond angry at him for going to hell but I can't because he did it to save me right? It is just one more thing that he has taken away from me. I mean he took you away too, without even trying to, I know that he spent the night with you before he went to hell. Did you & him, I don't know hook up or something? Tell me the truth Jo?"

She started to cry, and then she said, "I can't believe how ungrateful you are? I mean how can you say such awful things about your brother, when all he has ever done is put you first? Ok, fine, so Dean took the night off from all the chaos that surrounds both of your lives and spent the night with me. Not that it is any of your business but yes, we had hot, amazing sex all night long, there does that make you feel any better about betraying your brother, Sam? Cause it does not make me feel any better, even though Dean is gone, I still feel sick with what I've done. If he could only see me now, he would hate me & you; he would have every right to. I know that you think that you knew him better than I did but he kept secrets from you. I mean you didn't know that he had feelings for me did you?"

Sam sad, "No, that's not true, no one knew Dean better than I did. He never cared about you, if he said that he did, then he was lying to get into your pants but he did right? So let me ask you this who was better in bed me or my brother? Or could you not even tell the difference between us?"

Jo got up with the sheet wrapped around her, then she smacked Sam across the face, "How dare you? I waited for Dean to come to me for a long time and when he finally did, he didn't disappoint me. Do you really want to know who was better?"

Then Jo got real close to Sam's face, then she loudly said, "Dean was better by far, oh, the things that boy could do in the bedroom. If I only knew how talented he was before, I would have jumped him, so long ago. I thought since you were his brother that maybe you would be at least half as good but I was sadly disappointed. You Sam Winchester could never replace Dean, not in the world or in my bed. I really do think that it would be better if he was here and you weren't. Dean should have never went to hell for you because you are just not worth it. Now get out, pretend that this never happened and go back to your demon whore Ruby. I don't want you or need you, get out now."

Sam started to leave but then he stopped and turned towards Jo, "I will go in a minute after I have had my say. I can't just pretend that this never happened; we could be something so much more than this. I know that you still love Dean and believe it or not I still love him too but I'm just pissed at him for leaving me. I even know and accept that I would always be second best but I'm fine with that. We could really be good together; I know you feel something for me?"

Jo said, "Not love, I will never feel that way about you."

Sam pulled Jo to him; she turned her head away from him as he tried to kiss her. Then she pushed him away from her completely.

She said, "No, Sam I'm sorry, I know what you are proposing but I just can't. It's because of Dean, I do love him but he's in hell and you would just be a constant reminder of what I can never have. Trust me it's better this way, besides do you really want to give my mom even more of a reason to hate your family?"

He said, "It wouldn't have to be that way but I will go since I can see that your mind is made up. I want you to know that it will be your fault though."

"What will be my fault?"

"If I leave here, I'm going to go and have sex with Ruby, I know it."

"You can't put that on me, what you do is your business not mine, we're done, and you can go."

Sam finished dressing, then he said, "Fine I'll go but don't expect to see me again cause when I leave here I'm never coming back."

Sam went out the door and left with those parting words.

Jo shot her shoe at the door then she screamed, "Fine don't you dare come back here, my mom will be waiting with a shotgun if you do, and I don't care anyway."

Then she sobbed quietly into her pillow. That was the last time that she saw Sam until he walked in the door five months later with Dean.