Divorced,Heart Broken and digging a grave NOT ENDED

Two can keep a secret. (Episode 3)

What a beautiful song guys I love it. Also have fun reading.,..

"Brett you need to listen to me-" I started. "Tessa damn it hurry up I gotta pick up the girls then go to a guys night" he shot at me. He'd rather go to a guys night then be a man with his family? Whatever. "Brett start acting like a damn father and listen to your wife!" I hit back fiercely. No regrets. What I said must've made him think then he just spit out "okay hurry up". At this point I was pissed enough already so I was trying not to kill him. "Brett you need to do something for the girls," "okay just spit it out damn it woman!" He complained.  " you need to carry me down the stairs every day for a month because the girls need to be able to be stress free to do finals. If you don't agree to this I'll make you pay the fees". I said slowly so he would understand. "Ok fine every morning I gotta go the girls will be back when I'm back," "Whatever Brett!" I was a bit annoyed with him.

I stood in front of the mirror, picturing myself thinner, I remember those days. I look at my distressed skin on my hands, My popping veins traveling throughout my whole arm. I just wanted a getaway. I remember the day Brett Carrie die after we were first pronounced married. I wonder if he was faking all along. It made me feel like crap. I played with the charm on my wrist. It was a wedding gift form my grandma. It smelt of her delicious enchiladas. It was a white band that had rhinestones, fancy lace and all that around it. It made me remember the life in Houston Texas. With grandma and her dinners. Her moo moo. I missed my grans dearly but sadly this amazing person had left me. Maybe 2 years after my wedding she died. I can remember the phone call form Texas. My mommas spanish accents speaking to me in a hurry I remember her saying that grans had her house invaded and she had a stroke whilst hiding.  My grand was the kind of girl that'd wack her husband with the bat until he didn't he dishes. Gosh I really did miss my grans. Then I started to wonder... is the life in Utah worth it? Worth the deaths the family? But I couldn't get over my grans.

At this point I decided to clean. I knew it was ok to miss people that passed away but this ones a new experience. As I was washing the dishes I heard a car pulling in, I was still crying, my makeup was smudged. I was in baggy sweats and a t shirt that says a cheesy joke on it. I didn't realize that my husband was home. I kept crying and crying. I was feeling so much pain in my abdomen and in my heart it felt like someone had gotten made at me and had ripped out all of my organs. I felt like I was going to die right there and then. Well I actually wish I would've. I was wiping my hands when I realized the door had opened and they saw me crying and wiping my hands. "Oh hi guys" I said I was taking all my strength to not go and hug them forever. As a mother I felt a connection to always be there to make their lives perfect and happy and to help them makes good choices to find a good husband to marry and have beautiful children I was smiling now I felt a tear drop down my face but I didn't care.

On day one I felt like it was my wedding day I had a warm feeling whilst Brett was carrying my down the steps. That day of work was easy and I missed brett do much all I wished was that him and Sarah's be very very happy together. I also hope I can get a place before the month ends. I kept getting what if's in my mind as I was working. I fact one patient caught me zoned out and made me restart so I didn't do it incorrect. At that moment I knew that it was true. That whole day I was glad. But also sad. I had mixed emotions on what I found out at work but on the bright side it fulfeeled my dreams ever since I caught Brett cheating on me. I've felt really depressed ever since Brett wanted a divorce, I wonder which parent my kids like most anyway. "HEY LADY YOU OK?!" Yelled an teen in a corvette. He must've spotted my bruise on my arm. And thought I was driving away from an abusive boyfriend.  Can't blame him I was going a bit fast crying like no other, and covered in bruises. "YEP IM GOOD"I yelled back. I went back to crying I never thought I could be so heartbroken before. I was crawling into the hole of depression. I sighed I remember the numbers on the scale, I felt so pathetic and fat. I was thinking and my mind just realized that I never have had a problem with saying bye to my kids or somewhat husband. I'm way to good at goodbyes.