Komorebi Memories [Jeongcheol]

My Personal Angel

You were staring at your long-haired friend for a while now. You’ve been looking at the guy as he talk in front of a camera beside your other friends while they commence a live broadcast for the fans. You sat far away from the scene but your eyes were stuck on that boy with long locks tied neatly at the back of his head. He’s wearing a fitted white polo. It suits him so much, you thought to yourself. All of them were actually wearing formal clothes. All in white. But your eyes were only focused on that one particular guy. The one who suited white the most among those three. The one you all fondly call angel.

He was also wearing a Harry Potter fashion glasses, the one you wore a number of times before. It suits him, too, a small voice talked inside your head. You smile to yourself as you admire the angel seated away from you. You happily thought of how nice it would be if you’re also sitting beside him. Oh, it’ll be nice. You kept smiling to yourself with that thought in mind.

You feel so good in your corner just watching the angel talk, laugh and smile—and deep inside you just want to run over there and mess with him and laugh with him. That’s how good he’s making you feel. You felt grateful for the face mask you’re wearing because you didn’t want the others to see how you look. You look like a fool, you knew it yourself, but the smile won’t leave your face. The delight won’t leave your heart. All these you want to express in words, in actions. But not now. Be patient. You’ll get your chance later. You told yourself over and over until it sink in.

You’ve always had your eyes on him. To you, he’s special. Everyone is close to you and you love everyone so much but the angel is different. The times when you just want to be beside him and hug him or hold his hand and smell his hair…or just be next to him not doing anything as long as he’s just right next to you seems to occur often. Far too often that you had to mentally tell yourself you shouldn’t. But your body move on its own not following your thoughts. It just moves and the next thing you know, he’s beside you and you're clinging onto him.

You don’t even remember how you started to feel like this for him. You just know you feel something. Appreciation? Affection? Attachment? Love? You don’t know exactly what but what you do know is that you’re comfortable with him and you wanna be with him at all times. Which is also scary because you’re clueless how to respond to your own feelings. So you try to pass it up as your feelings as the leader and as the eldest amongst you all.

You stopped thinking the moment you saw a phone on his hand. You meticulously watch as he make faces in front of his phone. Taking a selca in that state, you are driving me insane. You clutch your seat cursing under your breath. The things this guy do will be the end of me…

You repeated your earlier mantra as you sat firmly on your seat. You tried thinking of other things but your mind was literally filled with thoughts of him. His smile, his laugh, his everything. Even those sides of him that only the thirteen of you knew. You like them all. His crazy side. His quiet side. Even his evil side. Everything. And it’s driving you nuts how this one guy affects you this much.

You decided to distract yourself now. You took out your phone and played with it. You’d occasionally talk to whoever comes near you to get your mind off him. You think of work, of making rap lyrics, of dance practice, of what to give to Wonwoo as birthday present…

Then you suddenly caught a glimpse of him eating that jajangmyeon and you stopped. You just stopped everything. Your world went still. How beautiful he is while eating? You watched as your stomach crave for the food along with your heart craving for that rightful spot beside him. Maybe I can eat with him too? You thought of waiting for the perfect opportunity to go forward but once again, you found your body moving on its own even though it was Wonwoo that’s been called forward, not you.

You’re next to him. That’s the only thought registered in your head. You’re finally next to him and you unconsciously started to lean on him, feeling his presence. You felt so alive. And nothing else matters anymore. Even the thoughts bothering you don’t matter anymore. As you mess with him, stare at him, hold him, feel his skin through your fingertips… As he fed you… As you all celebrate Wonwoo’s birthday this way… Happiness engulfs you. And the angel beside you is the reason for this.

You’re an angel. You just don’t fully understand the meaning behind it. You may say you’re a fallen one, or say you don’t feel like you’re one… But you’re an angel. To me you are…

And as I figure out what kind of feelings I have for you, I’ll settle with the thought of you as my personal angel. For now at least….

⭐⭐⭐

Originally posted:
July 2015