Asfi-Zubi - Love will find a way!

The fire still smolders within-(Part 5)

Zubiya was very restless the entire evening after the execrable exchange with Asfi. She hated herself for being harsh with him. And why had she been so familiar with Xander? There were certain boundaries of behavior she had always followed where people were concerned; and behaving in this over-familiar, nonchalant fashion was not her at all. She had not become so Americanized and she hated the fact that she had done this in front of the one man whom she didn't want to think the worst of her.

  She couldn't think straight and all her thoughts led to just one point in the universe, Asfand. How is it that even today, all her questions were him as were all the answers? She moodily  went for a long walk and came home tired and cranky and just dropped into bed in her track suit with shoes on. Dreading tomorrow. Waiting for tomorrow. 

At some point she woke up and was surprised she had actually slept so peacefully and deeply in comparison to the months of tortured insomnia. Clutching a pillow to herself, she had one of those moments of utter clarity that we sometimes have in dreams. She understood why she had slept so peacefully- because he was there, somewhere close by, under the same sky. An unbearable lightness flooded her, she hugged the pillow, "I am happy right now. Because he is here. And everything in my life makes perfect sense."

Tuesday was her surgery day and she had three surgeries lined up that day. Checking up on the Op Board she saw her surgeries were scheduled both morning and afternoon. So no chance of meeting Asfand at all, she was disappointed and relieved at the same time. She got over with her surgeries only by 2 pm, and as usual working in the high pressure Operation Theater handling the lives of little babies, drained her emotionally.  But as she changed out of her scrubs back into her clothes, anticipation curled and unfurled in her heart. She examined herself in the mirror and liked what she saw. Hair pinned back loosely, small studs in her ears, eyes lined darkly to accentuate their largeness and a hint of lip color. She smoothed down her brown pants and a sea green pleated peasant style blouse. Satisfied, that everything looked good and decent, she put on her indoor coat and went looking for the person whom she hadn't seen that day but hadn't stopped thinking about for a minute. After popping into every room and checking with the manager, she came to know that he had been there and Nicole and Greg had been with him and had long since gone. A hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach and disappointed tears welled up in her eyes.

She thought, "But that's one day gone already." She mentally kicked herself for acting so nasty yesterday.  Dejectedly she walked back to her neonatal unit which was her go-to- place for disappointing days. Working with desperately ill babies allowed her to  switch her mind away from Asfand. " I HAVE TO STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. He is perhaps a married man, and if he were to know how I feel, despite his marriage, it will give him all the more reason to hate me further. It is wrong in every way."

" Let me think what is it that I want? I want to be able to explain why I had to go away, so he understands my majboori and if he dosent forgive me at least we can be normal with each other. I want to be able to speak with him. I don't want these remaining days to be spent in anger and resentment. Just the fact that we had a close relationship for a few days a few years back should not mean we become enemies today. We can be mature adults. And I will have to prove to him that I don't have any grudges. These past years I have been so lonely. I want to be friends with him. Even if that is all I can be."

With these thoughts she finally set off for home. Just as she was about to enter the apartment, Dr Avi rang up.

" Dr Zubiya, I was waiting for you. Do you know Dr Suboor Ali from Neuro? No? I thought as much. He was looking for you but you were in surgery. He has invited some of us over for dinner tonight at his place. This is actually a dinner for Dr Asfand, who I think is an old friend of his, but I guess he wanted to make it some kind of a South Asian get together. I and Vaani will come down in an hour and pick you up. Is that okay?"