Day 12 (Time Skip My boi)

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It's been a week since I had an Anxiety Attack in front of Mark.

Of course as of late nothing has been improving, for me at least. Mark's fans have started asking a lot about me, a lot of them noticing every small detail, and I hate it. One actually noticed something under my sleeve at one point, Which I'm hoping Mark doesn't see the comment. I've also been looking at Chris's texts, but since the last one, he hardly ever sends me any more, and it's starting to scare me. 

Of course, I'm not telling Mark, no matter how many times he asks if anything's changed, or if I'm okay, I'm always gonna tell him the same thing, that I'm fine and safe. Clearly he can't see through my lies, but I still absolutely hate lying to him. I'm heading to work once again, Another day of course. I managed to get my boss to let me where long sleeves under the uniform, again. I do my casual work of the day, until at some point one of my Co-Workers see something. I ended up getting fired for self harming, quite a bullshit way to get fired to be honest. But to be honest my boss clearly always has hated me, probably dropped me in hopes I'd kill myself.

I just might.

I head back home, and I text Mark, for the first time being the first one to send the message, of course I feel like shit for starting the conversation when he's probably busy with his perfect life without me.. Nevermind. I delete the message I was about to send and simply continue walking home. About twenty minutes later of walking, since the apartment decided to build itself in the stupidest place, Mark sends a message, and I look at it of course.

"Hey, Are you doing okay today?" He asks, of course he's been sending this everyday.

"All day Everyday, I mean not really that good today. My jackass boss fired me." I send. 

"Why?" He replies with. "Asshoe They is."

"Yeah, Asshoe." I pause to think of a excuse that isn't fully a lie, but It's hard to think of something. "Cause I mentioned something that was close to racist I guess to my Co-Worker. Even though I've never said anything at my job at all. I'm guessing  they where just trying to get an excuse to get rid of me."

"Damn. Well if you need a job I have one open for you at my work place, we can teach you everything you need to know."

I stare at that reply for a moment, before responding. "Nah, I'd be to dumb to learn anything. Besides, You don't need to worry about me."

"Would you stop saying you're dumb? You aren't dumb."

"Aeh." I simply reply with. We get into small fights like things everyday, So far. "Then explain how I didn't remember that My ex watches your videos to. And explain the rest of my life cause my life is dumb and life is me and me is dumb."

"Please stop confusing me." He replies. "Just you aren't dumb, you're forgetful. You don't remember how much you matter to the world."

"The world is an asshole cause I clearly don't matter at all."

"How dare you say such evil things about yourself."

And so it continues. Mark trying to make me feel better, and clearly me laughing at his failures, or I wish they were. A few times it gets through to me and it makes me feel better about myself. Which oddly the words are starting to get harder and harder to turn down.

I get back to my apartment, still dealing with Mark of course, until suddenly My Ex Chris sends me another thing, this time a photo. I am worried to look, But I take my chances anyways. I look in, expecting a dick pic, But It's just a picture of A Los Angeles Plane ticket. It'd be a lot scarier if he showed the money he had left to, which would be none.

It would actually be scarier, showing the limits on how far he'd go to find me, to love me.

To Hurt me again.

I feel like Showing Mark, but then I remember I don't want him in my drama, knowing the way drama works, Chris and Mark would get into some sort of fist fight, one would get their ass kicked and blah blah blah, The worst part is, Everyone gets hurt, And it's all my fault.

It's cause I decided to run away like a bitch from what I was supposed to be trapped inside of, and clearly. I'm just weak. Mark starts to spam a little, and so I go back. Of course He was saying something to try and get me to feel better about myself, and then started sending:

"Hello? Are you Okay?"

"Answer me Please."

It's like he's thinking I'm gonna kill myself or something.

"Don't worry, I'm fine." I respond.

"Why'd You stop texting me?"

"Why do you worry so much? Don't you trust me?"

He pauses from replying for a second. "Yeah. Just at least tell me when you're gonna stop talking."

"Sure, Whatever." I send. "I'm gonna stop talking now." I then turn off my phone with that final buzz, as I walk over and trip myself into the couch, worry washing over me as I think about it more. 

Eventually Chris is gonna find me, and He'll hurt Mark. And It'll be my fault, Like how everything is.

(Tom Skep)

I open my eyes. I fell asleep on the couch apparently, and It's around midnight. I stretch a little grabbing my phone. The brightness was for some reason up now, so it shown into my lights and the pain dug in like thumbs. I whine a little, covering my eyes with the shadow of my hand before turning down the brightness. I look at my messages, Chris sent a picture of the plane now, and inside of it, and outside of it. He just got to Los Angeles two minutes ago. I look at Me and Mark's messages. He clearly calmed down from when I told him I'd be gone, but He messaged me a couple of selfies with his friends Bob and Wade. I smile to myself, looking at how happy he is.

Without me.

I turn off my phone as I was about to sit up, But I don't allow myself all the way. I realize that this part of my apartment is fucking terrifying at midnight. Especially knowing all the creepy shit I know. I hug myself a little. I've never been afraid of the dark, until now for some reason, there's a slight ringing in my ears, whispers.. I turn on my phone, the light somehow got rid of that, and I felt back into ease. 

"Hey." I send to Mark, not expecting him to actually reply to me, After all he's always asleep at this time, But at least for him he knows that I'm okay, and alive, But my brain keeps telling me not for long. I sit up and walk to the light, flipping it on. For a second it didn't work, But eventually it did.

"Trashy Apartment bulbs." I mutter to myself, then turning around and walking towards my bedroom, or where it is, and I step into the room, turning on the light in there to, as I lay down in bed. The light just feels safe for some reason right now, but as I lay down, something just hits and tears well up in my eyes.

I begin to cry. I don't know why, maybe it's cause I've held it in to long? And It just can't hold? Either way.

I wish Mark was here.

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