Equinox

#1

It was late at night. Stars barely can be seen as the dark clouds covering them. The scent of the rain drops unexpectedly fresh and easing. A pluviophile stands, in the balcony stares at nothing. Just enjoying the showering rain drops. Accompanied with an unpleasant yet consoling cup of coffee. She started to think everything all over again. What had happen in the past few months. Thinking back about the series of the absurdness of her friends teasing her about things that she doesn't catch on. Something that she had never expected. And she's still being puzzeled by them. Despite that utter gibberish that they threw at her, she starts to wonder.

What did they try to say to me?

Why did they keep connecting me with someone who I barely talk to?

Did he know about this? About them talking about me and himself

Or Is he in the same side as me?

Well I don't think so. As I recall, he was the one who had been preventing them to told me anything

Why did he do that? Why did they do that?

More shocking news was, my friends. My friends who I trusted with the whole of my heart. Just told me. Months after the series begin. But I don't blame them. I just wonder why. They said that 'the guy' was looking for me when I was absent few weeks ago.

Why?

Why was he looking for me when we barely even talk to each other?

More suprisingly, Why did they keep it behind closed doors?

Why didn't they told me in the first place?

Then the series of those whys stoped and she started to laugh by herself. Those toughts tickles her. She felt really dumb as she didn't even notice it. Then all of the sudden the atmosphere started to change. Again. This time. It's gloomy. She started to frightened. As she recall what had happened 3 years ago. In an exact period of time and surprisingly same kind of events.

It was the time she felt love for the first time. She hooked up with her ex. After several months, things were getting complicated and she started to lose tracks of herself. She couldn't have a hold of him. Then she lost him. She had no idea why her boyfriend left her all alone. There she spents the rest of her days feeling like a loser. She was depressed. Wanting to kill herself, yet didn't do it since she believes that god will lend her a hand. She surpress it on her own for months. Those months feels like a thousand year long. Until finally she can free herself and let herself to feel happy once again.

She was afraid that things will go in circles like what had happened 3 years ago. She didn't want to make the same mistake for the second time. Because it's stupid obviously. And the feelings of depressed frightened her as well as to love someone. Her hands started to shiver as she remeber it over and over again. Then there she sipped her last drops of her bitter cup of coffee. Rains started to fall from her innocent eye as well as the rain from the sky as it's getting heavier. 

7/12/2017