Her

Again

I wake up to my dad knocking loudly on my door. I check the time and see it's 7:30 in the morning. I groan and stretch. "Dad it's the summer, go away!" I yell and roll over with my back to the door and close my eyes.

"Kye get out here! We're going out to breakfast with your mother and step father and you aren't getting out of it!" He yells and I slip further into my bed and look down, just laying there. "I mean it Kye! Get up now!" He yells.

I sigh and climb out of my bed, staring into the mirror I have on the wall. My skin looks lighter than usual and my eyes are completely blood shot. "Fine I'm up!" I yell, knowing he'd keep me away from Nash for the rest of the summer if I didn't do as he said.

I walk to my closet and grab jeans and a t-shirt. I yank off my clothes and tug on the other clothes, spraying myself with lavender scented perfume. I walk over to my small vanity that
I keep in the corner of my room and brush through my matted hair. I slip on a pair of socks and my shoes then walk out of my door.

When my I get to the living room my dad is waiting on me and he shakes his head. "Kye you always wear the same boring clothing, maybe time with your mother will turn you into a real girl." My dad says and I glare at him. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask and he narrows his eyes at me.

"You know not to use that language with me little girl." He says and I just continue glaring at him. "I mean that you dress like a boy, with those jeans and comic t-shirts. What about dresses? Leggings? Skirts? How about doing your nails once in a while?" He says and I sigh.

"Dad that's just not me, I'm simple I don't wanna do all that stuff." I mumble and my hand reaches up and pushes my hair out of my face. My dad has hated my style choice for years, but he'd never been this rude about it. He sighs, "Whatever we have to go." He grumbles, knowing I would continue to fight him.

We leave the house and drive in silence. My eyes just stare out the window, watching the trees blur as we whiz past them. Thoughts that I used to have start to drift back into my head and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath as I try to repress them.

I can't stop them though, they invade my mind like bees swarming to honey. 'If you would have been more girly your mother would have kept you instead of replacing you.' 'If you would have kept your hair long she would have stayed.' 'All she wanted was a perfect little princess and you weren't one.' I feel tears cascading down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them, my mom doesn't deserve to see me vulnerable.

I blink my eyes quickly to keep more tears from falling and rest my head against the window, closing my eyes. When we pull up to the house they live in my heart stops. It's my grandma's house. I wrinkle my eyebrows as I look at my dad. "Why are we at grandma's?" I ask and he sighs softly.

"Your mom lives here now, your grandma died and left her the house in the will." He says and I feel my chest tighten as my stomach starts spinning. "W-What do you mean she's dead?" I ask in a dazed voice as it feels like vomit is slowly crawling it's way up my throat.

"She died two years ago." He says and I look at him as a tear falls down my cheek. "Why didn't I know? Why didn't she call me? Why?" I say and more tears slip onto my cheeks and I shove my hand into my pocket to grab my phone.

My heart twists in knots as I realize I didn't get it from the clothes I wore yesterday. I just look my dad in the eyes as I cry more. "Why are you doing this to me?" I whisper. He sighs and runs a hand through his dull coppery hair.

"Kye not everything is about you. Have you ever once thought this could be about me? That I'm struggling and I need your mother's help?" He says and I glare at him.

"Everything isn't about me but this is my life god damn it and I don't appreciate you screwing with it. I understand you might need help on the weekends but I can always go to..." I hiss out the words before getting cut off. "Watch that mouth of yours before it gets you in trouble and I don't want to hear anymore bullshit about you going to Nash's house, your staying with your mother and that is final." He growls and I just solemnly nod my head as I climb out of the car, not wanting to push my dad.

My dad was an alcoholic for a year after the divorce and if I would misstep a little bit he would punish me for a month. He wouldn't let me see my friends, he'd yell at me, he'd make me serve him and his friends why they were gambling, he'd make me clean the house by myself, and he'd make my life a hell basically. I know it's not as bad as being beaten but it was still awful.

I remember late nights when he would come home and be so drunk that I was surprised he didn't die on his drive home. I remember sitting in my bed at night, staring out the window, waiting for Peter Pan to come get me. I could feel myself growing up and I hated it with all of my being.

As I snap out of my thoughts I realize that I'm already in the house and seated. I see that I'm seated next to the man I presume to be my step father. "Kye this is Richard your step father." my mother says and I nod.

I can't wait to get out of this house, being here without my grandma makes me feel sick. I can still smell her peppermint perfume and I can see the mint green scarf she wore around her head. I just don't understand, I knew she had liver cancer, but it was stage one and highly curable. I don't understand how she could have just died, how she's just gone.

I just sit staring off into space as my mother puts a plate of food in front of me. I put my elbows on the table and put my head in my hands. "Hey! No elbows on the table." I hear a tiny voice chime and I look up and see her. She's pointing at me and I glare at her. "You're not the boss of me." I say and stick my tongue out at her.

"Kye stop acting like a child." My mother says sternly and my gaze turns to her. "Well the last time you saw me was when I was a child so I guess this is my way of making up for lost time." I say and she stands up as she narrows her eyes at me.

"Listen I regret leaving you but now I'm trying to fix it but you need to stop patronizing me when you're the one who decided not to see me. This is not all of my fault, I'm not the only bad guy here. I'm not some monster that you can constantly attack, I know I've made mistakes but I can't fix them unless you let me." She says and I stand up from my seat.

"It's not your fault? I chose to stay with dad because it was your decision to have an affair. It was your decision to break our family. It was all of your decisions. You were the one who thought we weren't good enough. I'm never gonna be your kid again, your kid is sitting right there." I hiss and point at her, she looks confused and upset and for a second my heart breaks as I see myself in her, but it washes away as I realize, it was my moms decision to leave but she left for her. It's her and I'll never be able to forgive her.

I stand up from the table and start to walk away. "Kye if you leave right now you'll regret it, forget about seeing Nash for the rest of the summer." My father says and I turn around and glare at him. "No, if I don't leave right now, you'll regret it." I hiss and walk out of the kitchen. I walk up the stairs and go to the third door on the right, it was always my room. I open the door and my heart speeds up and my body feels like it's on fire.

I stare at it, princess wallpaper covering the walls, unlike the light periwinkle that I remember. My bookshelf is still there but instead of classics like Hamlet and Moby Dick there are little kid stories, and on the bed there are light pink bed sheets covered with princesses instead of my star wars sheets. There is a picture on the bedside table of my mother and her new family.

In a fit of rage I knock all of the books off of the shelves and throw down the picture. I start ripping the wallpaper off the walls. My mom walk into the room. "Kye what in the hell is wrong with you?!" She yells and Melanie cowers behind her. "This is my room. She can have you, she can have my mug, she can have everything except my room." I growl and push past my mom and run down the stairs. I pull a picture off of the wall and shatter it. I pick up more stuff and start breaking it. "She can have you she can have everything in the world except my room. She could have my bike, she could have everything I fucking have except that room!" I yell and then go outside and my dad follows me. I turn towards him, "Follow me and I promise you, you'll regret it."I growl, my fist clenched as I turn around and run off into the woods near my grandmas house. I sit under a tree, and just stare up the the sky, the next thing I know the stars appear and I'm cold.

I just wipe my tears and close my eyes, letting myself fall asleep. When I wake up someone is carrying me, it's my stepfather. "Just go back to sleep sweetheart, it's been a hard day for you." He says and I just let myself rest against him as he kisses my forehead, my mom and my dad never did that. Maybe he's not so bad at all, I think as I fall back asleep.