Educating the Rake

First Day of School

It was that strange time of morning between dusk and dawn, when the first bird's call signals the workaholic to awaken and the drunk to stumble off to bed. There are aren't ever any cars on the roads at this time of day, you'd be more likely to spy co-eds slinking from apartment to apartment than a respectable SUV with its hatchback up (just what the growing family needs!) On this particular morning though, a truck trundled along with its bed full of boxes and its engine running almost obnoxiously loud. It's license plates read "Texas" but the large sign it zoomed past read "Welcome to Springfield".

"MOM! My back-pack is ruined!"
Marge Simpson sighed, a little gravelly sound in the back of her throat just loud enough to hear. It was the first day of school after Spring Break and the stomach turning promise of summer was looming on the horizon. She steeled herself for the rest of the morning routine. Why wasn't school all year round, wasn't that a thing in...Iceland....or..Greenland, whichever one had more humans than reindeer.
"Bring it here Lisa," she boosted herself out of her seat, leaving the infant she was feeding indignantly strapped into a highchair.
"See?! It's supposed to say 'Make Love not War' but now it says-"
" 'Man I Love Warts' Ahahaha!"
Lisa was interrupted by her brother Bart, who couldn't keep his laughter from betraying his part in the prank.
"Listen mister. Your father is going to hear about this and when he gets home-"
"Oh. No. Not dad. Whatever will I do?" Bart moaned sarcastically under his breath.
"When he gets home," Marge persisted, "I'm going to give him all of the snacks we bought for lunches to take to the church for the food drive!"
"WHAT?! Even the ChocolateChocolate GoGo Bars?! And the Itchy and Scratchy Gummy Yummies?! NOT MY TRIPLE BERRY SLUSHEE CAPS!!!"
"Every last one. Now get your rear in gear, we're going to be late!"
Bart continued lamenting (loudly) as he drug his feet up the stairs to get dressed. The deed done, Marge turned back to the kitchen, a grim smile on her lips until she felt a tug at her hand.
"But Mom," Lisa said, "what am I going to take my books to school in now?"
Marge's brow quirked upward as she thought quickly, "Um. Hmm." Her eyes glanced furtively around the kitchen entry and settled on a brown grocery bag.
"Why don't you use this for today?"
Lisa groaned, "A paper bag?"
"Yeah, think of it, as...uh...recycling! You can't argue with recycling!"
Leaving her conflicted daughter to ponder which was worse, social pariah status or contributing to the pollution of the Earth, Marge bustled back into the kitchen to finish feeding baby Maggie who gave a pouty suck on a pacifier, berating her for taking so long.

Lisa Simpson knocked back and forth against the bodies that filled the school hall, like so many salmon fighting their way upstream. Her grocery bag crinkled against her chest and she rolled her eyes, 'This stinks.'
Miss Hoover had told the class this morning that they were starting a six-week unit on Poetry that had excited her, until she found out it was the "Make Poetry Great Again: Elementary Edition" course, sponsored by the US Government. Lunch had been abysmal as ever with Bart shooting her dirty looks over his grey hot lunch. Even recess had been a bust, Groundskeeper Willie informed them that since they'd left for Spring Break, a rogue group of raccoons had overtaken the playground equipment which left the lower grades to fend for themselves while the fourth and fifth graders skulked about looking for someone to 'entertain' them.
"At least it's time for band practice," she sighed as she slipped past a couple of surly looking third-year fifth graders to her locker, glad to exchange the literal sad sack she carried for her beloved saxophone. "Although it will be another year of Sousa and sub-par Stephen Foster arrangements," she murmured, why they couldn't pepper in a little Holst or Copland was beyond her, "Even that hack Phillip Glass would be a welcome change!" she posited, pushing open the band hall door.
The usual suspects were either already milling about aimlessly or would be left to trickle in after the bell she supposed. Wendell and Martin were huddled in a corner sniggering at a comic Martin had surely had smuggled out of his house, Todd Flanders was skipping and twirling about nearby. Her eyes fell on Sherry and Teri who were whispering and giggling, their amusement only increasing when they saw her standing in the doorway. Lisa's smile flattened to a line, and she started to walk into the room until she was forced forward by someone bumping into her. "Ralph!" she barked, "Watch where you're going, I was standing right there!" "Sorry Lisa, I couldn't see you," Ralph said cheerfully as he backed into the music room. His feet were smashed backwards into his shoes. Lisa rolled her eyes and glumly made her way to the risers. As she passed the twins Sherry hissed, "Psst-Lisa! Did you visit anywhere over spring break?" "Um...no, we mostly stayed home," a small smile brightened her face, maybe the twins had missed her on their short vacation. "Are you sure? We thought maybe you'd spent the week under a bridge learning to be a BAG lady!" Teri squealed with glee and the two girls dissolved into a harsh gale of laughter.
Lisa's shoulders slumped, she'd been foolish to think her replacement backpack would go unnoticed.
It was at this moment that the door to the band teacher's office flew open with a bang. The class quieted instantly as they took in the stranger who rushed into the room.
She was young-ish and short. Her hair was in a messy top-knot and she was dressed hastily in a sloppy button down and jeans.
She was NOT Mr. Largo.
Lisa's eyebrows drew together in worry. Where was their band teacher?