After Shock (#2 - Semper Fi Series)

Grace and the End

Redemption and the End

“We’re losing her. Get the paddles. On three: one, two, three, clear!” The thump of the paddles made a sickening thud throughout the room. “Again; one, two, three, clear.” The steady beep of the heart monitor turned into the monotone sound signaling that her heart had stopped. “Epi push. Again! One, two, three, clear.”  

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The voices faded. She opened her eyes, screaming as she fell further and further into the pit. The darkness was impermeable. The feeling of being utterly alone forever seeped into her soul like an oil spill. She couldn’t see anyone, hear anyone, or feel anything near her. She cried out from her endless abyss: “God! Help me! Save me! Don’t let me die like this. I was wrong; so terribly, horribly, wrong.” Her tears seemed to dry as they poured from her eyes.

A light; a bright and brilliant light beckoned her. “Daughter” was the only word she heard for a long moment, but upon hearing it, she was instantly at peace.

She fell to her knees, broken. “I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be in your presence. But I never want to go there again, either. What do I do now? Please, can you forgive me?”

“Of course; that’s why I’m here. You called out to me from the pit of hell, and I heard you, even from there. I don’t want you to be apart from me ever again, but there are some things you need to make right before you’re allowed to enter into the presence of the Father. I want you to live for me now, and stop this nonsensical life you’ve been pursuing. I have bigger plans for you, Mildred, but you have to be willing to die to yourself for me to work in you. Can you do that?”

“I’m going to need your help. I don’t think I can do it alone.”

“I will never leave you, nor will I forsake you. You are mine. You always have been, but you’ve forgotten your first love. I’ve always been with you. I never left. Not even when you were in the closet starving and crying. I heard you. I kept you alive. I was there through everything.”

“How do I face those that I’ve hurt so much? How do I even start to repair the damage? I’ve been so wrapped up in my own little selfish world that I didn’t even see the pain I was causing my entire family. How do I change it?”

“You allow me to help you. Let me be your strength, your comfort, and your guide. All you have to do is ask, and I will come and live in you, and you will be in me. Mildred, I did it all for you: the cross, conquering hell and the grave, rising again, going back to the Father; all for you. The love I have for you is from everlasting to everlasting. You cannot fathom its depths, its heights, or its breadths. You cannot begin to know with your finite mind the love the Father has, or that I have, for you.”

“Please forgive me. I want to live for you. I’m so ashamed of everything; I can’t begin to express it. I don’t deserve another chance. I only deserve that abyss.”

“I forgive you. I love you, and I am always with you. Go make it right between you and your family. I will be with you always, and when it’s time for you to die, you will be with me. Live for me.”

“I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here with you. I love you. Can I stay, please?”

“My dearest child, you have much to do. You will be with me in Glory, but right now you need to go back. I love you, child. I love you.”

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A deep gasp, as if breathing for the first time, awakened her. People were everywhere, with tubes and machines, wires, and instruments. Nurses and doctors surrounded the table she was on. There was something in her throat. She fought for a moment before a hand tapped her shoulder. “Millie: you have a tube in your throat to help you breathe. You’ve survived a horrible accident. I will tell you more soon, but I need you to relax so that the tube doesn’t come out before it is time. Okay?”