I woke up once again expecting her to wake me up . With her famous frown wanting me to get up so we won't be late . However that was over 2 years ago . Yet my expectations for her still won't die down . I grimaced at the mirror .I tore my attention away from the person I have become . The clock that she gave me was sitting there mocking me . You're gonna be late . You're gonna be late . You're gonna be late . It screamed at me . But oh of course it was just a voice my mind had came up with so I could stall time and not think of her . Stupid shrinks always coming up with logical answers . How can they say they major in emotions and the mind . If we don't even know anything about are mind . We can't fathom into the complexity of are mind . We know almost everything about are earth but we don't know a single thing about are selves .
I got dressed mindlessly . My body did its own thing while my mind well it was in a far off place . I thought about all the times she texted me late at night and I'd happily reply back . Because even getting a simple text from her would make my heart beat fast and bring a smile
To my face . She was my everything . I would stop what I was doing just to help her out . Important or unimportant. I didn't matter . I stared at the mirror once again . It was a unhealthy habit to dwell on such things . I didn't think it mattered that I stared at myself wondering how I came to be this way . The answer was right in front of me but I refused to see it .
I stared at all the picture's on the wall . All the embarrassing moments . All the awkward ones . Even some romantic drunken ones were there . They all stared back at me .It amused me how all these pictures were before me and only one stood out . It was a picture of when we first met . Her smile in that picture haunted me . Day and night it's all I could think about . No matter how many times she would smile or laugh her cold eyes would still have emotionless gaze . It didn't matter how many times you'd ask her if she was okay . Her eyes wouldn't reveal a single secret .
I remember how she glared at me when I bumped into her . It was Halloween we were only kids at the time .I remember how I was shoved into her because that Friday when she had come for her first day I called her pretty . So it was then decided that everyone would tell her I liked her . But here's the thing I fell in love with a person I saw . A mere image of someone I see not someone I know . I didn't know anything about her besides the color of her eyes , hair,and her name .I remember my friends teasing me and making kissy faces at me . It was horrible . The first time I saw her I wouldn't think her name would've been so boyish . She struck me as a Hayden for some weird reason . Instead it was Blake I found it very cute actually .Most of this kids called her thing 1 because of her wild hair , and her round face .
Her skills in art were amazing . Everyone tried to bribe her into doing their work but she didn't seem to pay much attention to anyone when we had art . Naturally she became the art teachers favourite student. This first time I talked to her was when I was shoved into her during recess by a group of girls. She was sketching the tree. She looked so peaceful in a such boisterous school . I remember her angry face and her small voice. " watch out " I could barely hear her ." I'm s-s-sorry" I was such a wuss back then ." I'm Martyn by the way " she looked at me with a eyebrow raised . " Well isn't that nice " she whispered . She wasn't amused by any of this. "what are you drawing " oh smart martyn really smart . " that tree with all the flowers by it " she pointed with the pencil slowly . My face went still that's right she doesn't know about the tree.
That tree was a reminder of something I'll never forget . No something we'll never forget. it's seems ironic in a way an old student leaves and a new one comes .
. " come on let's get a better look " I grabbed her hand . When we reached the tree her mouth twitched up in a smile.
The rest of the day we talked and talked .We got in trouble a few times but she didn't seem to care even if they called her parents which learned later on weren't her parents ,but parent her dad had walked out when she was younger .
Her mum didn't seem to care .the teacher however Mrs.Collins wasn't pleased one bit . Ever since then she treated Blake with no respect at all . Thinking back on everything it seemed like me and the rest of that class were actors playing in a cliche romance movie.
Back then we didn't know what we were doing . We didn't know why said things we had said. We just said and did those things because we thought what we were doing was right. Being the way I was . I denied loving her to my parents , friends , or anyone who asked . But I showed it I did love her . I didn't want say it and end up heartbroken . Because even after all my hard work trying not to let those 3 simple words slip out I still ended up heart broken.
It doesn't matter if you avoid heart break . You'll still feel empty inside ,and heart break will leave you with a in-denial thoughts that she meant something else .hopefully she did mean something else.
i was staring at my reflection wondering about what we would've been.remembering all the stupid lines I've ever told her.the one i regret the most was giving her a flower and saying "your more beautiful than this flower." That was the first time she ever grimaced at me .i remember her cold glare it still haunted my nightmares even though i told myself its just the past and it couldn't possible do anything for me now . yet i still haven't really decided what to do with my life its just an endless cycle of what to dos and what ifs .
i stared at the pictures before i feel back to sleep . this was basically how every day went for me eat sleep survive nothing can mess up this but being me life will always find a way and ill never see why it bothers trying to make up for making me lose her .
Instead of falling to sleep which was impossible to do now. I went to my computer and find her editing pictures for work .Now I probably said I'm to lazy for work ,but I have to eat food some how . As I went through all my pictures I saw on of her . Why ? Why is it that every time I seem to not think about her she pops up again . I looked out the window to see a giryl and some movers pulling up to the house across the street .
Who'd want to move to such a boring place anyway?
The girl looked strangely familiar maybe I went to school with her ? Hmmmm
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The girl on da side is Blake
