SIMON VAN DER MEER scrubbed himself until his skin turned a pinky raw. He needed to feel his skin melt like molten lava fresh from a volcano under the boiling hot water. Even though the blood was gone to the eye, Simon could still feel it. The smell of iron coaxing his brain; the stickiness of the blood as he tried to move his fingers.
"You are okay," he whispered; the running water covering his already quiet voice. "You will be okay."
He wiped down the water around the sink and quickly wiped down the fogging mirror. He looked at himself, and for the first time
He opened the bathroom door and the first thing his eyes land on is a picture of George, Elias, Theodore and the rest of the Pentecost Prep basketball team at their regional championship win. He could remember the moment when all of them crowded into the picture: Elias's headband dripping sweat, George's hands slapping his back before crouching down in front of him for the picture, Theodore laughing loudly, and their point guard, Oliver Wyngard, hooking his arm around him for a hug.
We're monsters, he thought.
Simon then turned to face his girlfriend, Catalina Baldoni. Her brown hair became a crisp golden in the sunlight. Simon allowed for a lazy grin to come upon his face before he fell into the chair at his desk.
Catalina looked up from her phone screen and sat up, leaning her back against the oak headboard. "What took you ten centuries in the bathroom? I already have grey hair and ten grandchildren."
He gave a small laugh before he spun himself around in the chair. He didn't have to look into Catalina's eyes and lie to her. Lie to her that he had felt extremely guilty about something. Lie to her that had done nothing wrong last weekend. Lie to her about the person he was.
"Decided to clean up the bathroom a bit," he said, not completely lying to Catalina and himself. "My mother had yelled at me about it and I thought for once that I would listen to her."
"You? Listen to your mother?" She laughed. "Who's this new Simon?"
"Just your same old Simon," he told Catalina and himself. "But I need to be on good terms with my parents, you know? They control my college fund."
"I highly doubt that your parents would yank that from you. It makes them look bad too. And you know how much our parents love to gloat their trophies. But besides that, how was George's party yesterday?"
Simon began spinning in the chair again, the same words cycling through his head as he began to answer: Don't look her in the eyes. She'll find out you're lying. Don't look her in the eyes. She'll find out that you're lying.
"The same as any other party really," he said, his chagrin in his voice making him grimace.
"Huh, I really thought it would be — I don't know. Better? Lilith couldn't stop raving about it."
He stopped spinning in the chair. "Lilith was there?"
"Yeah. Wasn't Teddy with you?"
"Yeah, yeah. He just showed up later. I'm assuming he just came with Lilith then. George's stepdad has a big house. Wouldn't be surprised if I had missed her," he said, his voice wandering off into his thoughts. If he didn't notice Lilith there, who else could they have missed?
Catalina rose from the bed and walked over to the seat. She placed her hands on armrests and stopped from spinning. He looked her in the eyes, his heartbeat increasing tenfold.
"What?" whimpered Simon.
Catalina shook her head before she sat in his lap; the denim shirt she wore wrinkling as she curled her legs.
She placed her hands on his cold cheeks. They were so warm. Just so warm. All Simon could feel was the heat seeping through her fingers. How it reminded him of the way the blood felt on his palms. The liquid drying underneath his mouth bitten fingernails. Oh, how he wished he could start spinning in the chair again.
What?" Simon asked her.
She smiled, biting her bottom lip as she shook her head slightly. "Nothing."
"No, really," he asked. "What's on your mind."
"You love me, right?"
He rose an eyebrow. Where was this coming from? Did she know? Of course, she couldn't have known. They had covered their tracks exceedingly well. "Of course I do."
"Then tell me why you have been so off lately?"
"I've been?" he panicked; he could hear the slight inflection in his own voice.
"Yeah, you seem more on — edge."
I killed someone. I killed someone. I killed someone. "My parents," he said. "It just seems like they've been down my throat more." He wasn't lying, they were. They always were.
"They might be the craziest people I've met."
He laughed dryly, "Yeah."
"But I'm glad that's all. I've been worried and just too scared to ask you about."
I've killed someone, Catalina. Heard the screams for them to stop. I can't sleep anymore. "Of course, you can ask me anything."
"Good," she smiled and then Catalina kisses him. Her lips soft and warm a stark difference to his own distant.
She pulled back. "Are you sure you're okay, Simon?"
He began to spin the chair again. Catalina's hair flowing behind her under the gust of wind. His eyes focused on that instead of her eyes. Remember: Don't look her in the eyes. She'll find out you're lying. Don't look her in the eyes. She'll find out that you're lying.
"I'm okay."
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