Rumor Has It...

Why, Ayla, Why?

She said she was sorry. So many times, just those two words, hitting an unforgiving, unbending brick wall of anger.

Why she told me, I can't say. Maybe she was afraid Naria who stop speaking to her. Or that they would stop being friends, or that she might tell Jace. The bottom line was that all of us seem pretty afraid of the truth, which is sad, really.

It's November in New York, so it's cold outside. I don't remember if there was snow, but there was definitely the threat of frozen precipitation in the air. I could see my breath as I got off the bus, taking purposeful steps towards the doors of the school, pushing against the slow, patient tide that was not going my speed. I get to my block, approximately ten feet from the entrance, and stop dead. The usual mumbles and curses come from the people who had been tailing me, trying to get an easy passage through the crowd.

Waving, my arm high over my head, I see Ayla, who I wait for most days upon getting off the bus. She waves back, falling into step beside me moments later.

"We need to talk," is all she says. I lead us toward the green brick wall on our left, then slide into the side door to the girls' locker room, which is supposed to be locked. The warm room has a few basketball players in it, redoing their makeup and hair after a nice morning practice. Chloe and Summer say 'hi', and I give a quick 'hey' in response. We walk down the corridor to the second to last stall, and take seats on benches opposite each other.

I wait. Her face says something bad happened, she's guilty, she knows I'm going to be mad, she knows I'll probably go off... And with a sigh, she says, "I did it."

Shit. Shit shit shit, I know what she's talking about. Nonetheless, I ask carefully and calmly, "Did what, Ayla?"

"I told Cassidy. And the group chat."

"What we were talking about yesterday in art. I told Tanya, and she was texting Collin five minutes later. I also told one of my group chats, just to make sure the rumor spread." She's so proud, and I could just smack her for it.

I breath. Breath again, trying to bring in some nice, gentle words. Truth is, I have a horrible temper, and I keep it in check better than most people control their children. I could probably scream loud enough for the third floor to hear me, but I hold that. Change it into something useful, something that won't hurt people but change the circumstances. Like taking hot, molten iron and turning it into strong, unbreakable steel.

"Alright," I say finally. The locker room is empty, and we'll probably both be late to homeroom. "Option one: Tell all those people that you lied, come up with some excuse, I don't care how you do it, just don't tell them it was a plan to break up Naria and Jace. Option two: Tell Naria and/or Jace what you did, so that their ready to say it was all a lie. Option three: We keep Naria and Jace in the dark, pretend it's just some crazy coincidence and that it's all real. I'm not deciding, but I'm really against lying to Naria."

The bell rings, meaning we have three minutes to get upstairs, to the third floor. Just thinking about it makes my knees hurt. Ayla is upset now that I think she should take back the rumor. "Why would we stop it? This is for Naria. She'll thank us when it's all over."

"I doubt that. This was her decision, and she decided against it. We have no right to make her choice for her."

"You're just saying that. We're her best friends..."

I don't know how long we sat there, but I didn't hear the second bell ring, and I don't remember the first period bell ringing. It must've, because a group of middle schoolers come in loudly, disrupting the quiet and the guilt.

"We should go," I say, and she gets up and starts moving. She doesn't look at me, doesn't respond; we just get up simultaneously and walk side by side, past the half naked middle schoolers who know we shouldn't be here. We're a foot taller than most of them, so that might be the first clue that we're intruders, creatures that should be in an entirely different habitat, foreign and hating being trapped. I don't make eye contact, knowing my disinterest will draw more attention to myself than if I made direct eye contact with them. I wanted to draw it away from Ayla; so that they couldn't see that she was fuming at me.

We split ways on the third floor, and she still says nothing.. This isn't sensible, though, and I know it. We should be together if we're going to run this whole scheme through. The problem is, I can't make myself apologize.

***

I walk into Biology late, earning a fist bump from Garrett as I sit next to him. In the front row, I see the back of Naria's head, knowing it's full of worry. She's probably going to end things herself, before anything even starts. It'll be fine, I tell myself. We have double today, and we're watching a video about anatomy, and cars, and a few other things. I know I should be writing down my ten facts, but the video is just getting harder and harder to hear...

I don't know when I drifted off, but Garrett nudges me awake about ten minutes before the bell rings. "Sorry, but I figured you'd want to be awake to pack up your stuff."

I nod, still barely conscious. "Thanks. I haven't been sleeping well lately."

"Porque?"

"I don't know. I guess I just have a lot on my mind. Thanks again." I put my stuff away, shoving more binders in my backpack than I think is possible by the laws of physics, but I don't think anyone will be too upset about it. Other than my back, that is.

I know the real reason I haven't been sleeping. I've been fighting with my mom, fighting with myself, fighting just to keep myself focused. I know that if I sleep, I might dream, and I just can't take the yelling...

But Garrett doesn't need to know that. He's nice, considerate. He shouldn't have to deal with my issues.

"Hey, were you sleeping?" Alicia asks, the girl that sits behind me. We used to be good friends, but then I made a choice between her and Naria and Aby, and... I just felt like she was going somewhere I couldn't handle.

"Yeah, I guess I was tired." We laugh, share a few insensitive words, and then the bell rings, driving us like cattle to our next class.

Naria sits right next to me in this class. I don't know how to face her.