(Won't) Last Forever •ZARRY•

vi.

           

They arrive at the Harlem apartment Harry rented, not too far from the one they moved into at the beginning of their junior year of college. It seems fitting, starting again in a place so close to where they were in a similar situation eight years ago.

            When they finally get to bed hours later, it feels like their beginnings again. Like they're twenty, their alarm clocks set for 7AM so they won't be late for their morning classes. The vast, too big bedroom from their house in the suburbs is replaced by a tiny one, with a huge window and the view of a fire escape. After months and months, they make love again. It's painstakingly slow, each kiss a question and a declaration. Every touch is a lesson, a text book on love they have to read as they're trying to learn about their bodies again. All of it is familiar but also strange, the memories of their last time not fresh but wrapped in mist.

            Nothing could make them forget it all, though. Their lives were loveless only for months – it's been almost ten years of making love, having sex and fucking. Each one is different for them. Making love is reserved for times like this – after resolving a fight, after not seeing each other for a week or when they just feel overwhelming love for each other. It's also for the special occasions like their wedding night or anniversaries. It's always tentative, soft and mellow. Sex is routine. It's based on the elemental sexual attraction and love. They used to have sex all the time. On the couch in the living room after watching a movie, in their bed at night like any other boring couple, sometimes even in a shower. It's usually quicker than making love or fucking, sometimes even mechanical, but in the best way possible. Then there's fucking. They fuck every time when they try something new – spanking, bondage or toys. It was quite frequent during their earlier years together. Fucking also happens when one of them gets jealous or when they're just so damn turned on by each other. It's heated, hard and once they start, they can never get enough.

            So, they make love that night. After many sleepless or drunken nights they spent apart, lying in bed and wondering what the other is doing, who he's fucking, they are finally together. I-love-you's fall from their lips more times than they could possibly count. It's loving, every single bit of it. They fall asleep in each other's arms and their minds don't have to torment them with helpless wondering and questions, because they're both right there and neither of them are sleeping in the guestroom or thousands of miles away. It feels like coming home.

            Harry wakes up feeling disoriented. Not because of the new bedroom, but because there's a warm body draped over his back. When he sees the tattooed hand on his stomach he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and his body relaxes. Of course, it's Zayn, who else would it be? His mind finally catches up with reality and Harry almost starts crying again, this time with happiness. He holds Zayn's hand in his over his heart and runs his thumb over the wedding band on Zayn's finger about a hundred times. It's real. We're still together. We're not getting divorced.

            Just like the first time Harry woke up in Zayn's arms almost ten years ago, he doesn't leave the bed. He stays there, barely moving, smiling at nothing in particular, basking in it all. Long dreary months have passed since Harry came to his senses in the morning with his husband touching him. The lack of intimacy was slowly killing him, ransacking all the optimism and joy from his life. For over a year, Harry believed Zayn was searching for affection and sex somewhere else, breaking the vows they once swore to obey. Now he knows none of it was true. He doesn't need to wonder anymore and worry when the breaking point comes, when will Zayn finally leave him. It won't come. It's no longer a threat, an anvil hanging over their heads, waiting for the rope to be cut and let falling down freely to shatter all the love, friendship and devotion they had built over the years.