You know what's not fair?
That I am constantly that person who is always there for everyone. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love being there for people and helping them when they have problem. But it's not fair that they have a person they can confide to when something goes wrong in their life but when something is going on with mine, no one is there for me. I am sick and tired of feeling this way.
You call me crying and talk to me for hours all night while I listen to you and comfort you. I'm there for you - giving you comforting words and telling you that everything will be alright. I don't get mad that you woke me up from sleep when you call or that you ruined my good day by telling me these things. No, I don't complain. Instead, I'm there. I'm always there and I don't mind about being there because I know that's how I would want someone to be there for me.
But do you know what I get instead?
I get nothing. I go through things to, did that ever cross anyone's mind? You're not the only one that has a million things happening in their lives and feel like nothing is ever going right. That happens for me too. The only difference between the two of us is that I'm alone in all of this. I don't have anyone to talk to because no one is ever there for me when I need them.
When I try to talk to someone about what I'm going through, my problems are disregarded and it's somehow always turned back around to what they're going through. Don't I deserve someone comforting me for a change? I cry myself to sleep sometimes too so don't think you're the only one hurting.
Do people think I'm okay with always being a second choice? I've been a second choice my whole life and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling this way.
You think you're the only one who suffers with so many anxiety attacks and suffers with depression here and there? At least you have people who know about what's going on with you so you are able to get help. No one knows what the hell is going on with my life. Depression and anxiety are foreign things to people like me because appearently I'm far from getting it. Okay, that's why my doctors had to put some anti-depressants in my daily medication pills right?
Why is it that every time I try the slightest to reach to one of my 'friends' to talk, no one ever listens? WHY? Is it because I'm not good enough? Am I different from all of you, is that?
I've gone my whole life not feeling good enough and I'm so tired of feeling like this. For once, just once, can't you just listen to me? I never ask for bad things to happen to me and for someone to drop what they're doing to hear me out. I never do it. Do you know why? Because no one's ever there for me.
I'm there for everyone. I listen if someone has problem and comfort them no matter what.
When is it my turn to be comforted? To feel loved? Will I ever get a chance?
It's not fair.
