I read our messages again last night. Actually, it took me quite a while to finish it. The memories kept on going back and reminded me of how we used to be. How sweet we were, how you took good care of me, how you used to say that you like me. But where we are now? We don’t talk to each other any more, you already forgot everything about me. I hate how I still think of you, how I still wish that we could go back the way we were before. I want to delete all our messages to get rid of our memories. But I just can’t.
Sometimes its hard to move on for what happened in our past. It's not because we don't want to but there's just things that were not cleared yet and there were no closures made. Even if we tried looking forward and set things the way they were before... it's just too hard to bear. We kept on asking ourselves what went wrong and what did we do to make things complicated. As time went by, our questions were kept unanswered, therefore time also didn't give us the opportunity to heal ourselves.
I know. I know deep inside that he's not worth any of my tears and long sleepless nights. But I just can't help myself thinking of him.
It's hard to pretend that you're not hurt. Harder to smile even if you know that you really wanted to cry. You wanted to forget the past but something's holding you back. You wanted to forget... but you just can't.
I'm Sol.... and here's my story.
It was October back then. Nagkukulitan kami ng pinsan ko about sa "LOVE" na tinatawag nila. Call me bitter or what... but honestly, I don't believe in it anymore. Being in a worthless and heartbreaking relationship, I just decided to stop looking for love and let myself enjoy my single days.
"Look, papakilala na lang kita sa friend ko. Mabait yun. Believe me, Sol."
"Yeah yeah... introduced me to him, but don't expect me to be friends with him."
Dun pala ako nagkamali. That time, pinakilala niya sa akin si Rey. He's a sacristan and one year younger than me. He lives in our province and hoping to be a future marine someday. We become friends and minsan... niloloko na rin ako ng mga friends ko sa kanya.
He's different from the other guys I met. He prioritizes his studies and do his responsibilities first before the others. Sweet siya and caring and masarap kausap. Kahit hindi kami ganun ka-close... nakakapagsabi ako minsan sa kanya ng mga ginagawa ko sa school o kaya naman mga problema ko.
Minsan nga naiinis pa siya pag napuputol yung usapan namin. Minsan kasi nawawalan siya ng signal so para makasagap siya ng signal at makapag-usap kami, pumupunta pa siya sa taas ng simbahan nila para makapag-usap lang kami. Hindi ko alam nung time na yun... pero natutuwa ako pag ginagawa niya yun. Feeling ko kasi super special ko sa kanya pag ginagawa niya yun.
I still remember nung unang araw na nagkita kami. December 20 yun. I planned to surprise him that time. Magseserve kasi siya nun para sa simbang gabi. Sabi ko sa kanya, magmamass ako kasama ko mga high school friends ko, pero actually mga pinsan ko mga kasama ko.
'Ang layo naman ng pinagsimbahan mo.'
Yan yung text niya sa akin nung time na yun. Sabi ko lang sa kanya, balak ko talaga yun para masurprise siya. At ang sabi niya,
'Nasurprise nga ako eh. Tinititigan nga kita nung nagcommunion ka.'
That text, made me blush. Hindi ko pa alam that time bakit kinilig ako. Akala ko, wala lang yun eh...akala ko spur of the moment lang.
That exact day din kami unang nagkita ng at nagkausap ng personal. Medyo nahihiya pa nga ako nun kasi inaasar ako ng mga pinsan ko sa kanya, kaya maaga ako nag-ayang umuwi.
'Sorry ha, hindi ako masyado nagsalita. Nahiya kasi ako eh. Inaasar kasi nila ako.'
'Kinikilig lang yung mga yun.'
