I want to switch off. Everything. I want it all gone for just a little while, just do me. I'm not saying I want to die - I don't think that's the case. I do want to go into limbo for a little while. I want to go to sleep and have a dreamless coma, and wake up a few days later.
I'm not alright the now.
I'll say it here, and nowhere else.
I need help. I do, I really, seriously do.
O don't mean that I need someone to talk to, I couldn't directly tell a soul about this feeling. What I'm saying is that I'm fucked, and I'd rather relapse than rethink.
I'm not myself the now.
It's scary going back to who I used to be, because now, I'm meant to be happy, but I feel like I'd never been happy before.
Is that normal?
Probably not, no.
I hate talking about this shit here, or anywhere online, but, desperate times.
The thing is, I'm upset right now, I'm sad, and pained, but tomorrow, I'll plaster a smile on my face so that no one knows that I feel like h I used to.
I'm not meant to be like this anymore. I'm not allowed to be. I have to be strong. For him, not me. For me, not him. But mainly, for him.
Cuttingisnttheanswercuttingisnttheanswercuttingistheanswercuttingisnttheanswercuttingisnttheanswercuttingisnttheanswer.
Catch me out?
I'm not me. I'm the old me. The me fat I thought was dead and gone, and happy about it. I'm not this. This isn't me. Who am I, really?
I'm me. The old me. The me that no one, not even I like.
No one likes her.
Or does no one like me?
What's even real anymore?
What even matters?
Nothing.
Cuttingisnttheanswercuttingisnttheanswercuttingistheanswercuttingisnttheanswercuttingisnttheanswercuttingisnttheanswer
