Let you go

Short novel

It's been almost 5 years since we broke up. We were 13 at the time, young, didn't know what love was. I feel safe to say we dated for almost 2 months, eventhough our time together was very short, I think about our moments together often. It was 2012, the very first schoolday. We were both freshmen and had no idea about what to expect at this new big school. We knew nobody. I sat in class with all the other students in my class, nobody I knew. Later that day we had PE. The field we had class on was outisde the school, about 8 minutes by bike I'd say. Because I knew nobody yet I decided to go to the field alone, but just as I was about to leave the school I heard a voice, I looked behind to see a boy, I remember him from my class. He asked me if i knew the route to this field we were supposed to go to, and I told him he could ride along side me. On our way over there we talked alot, and I thought wow this boy is actually pretty cute and very nice. When we got there, I went to the girls locker room to go ahead and change, it took me a while to get dressed because I was in a room filled with other girls I didn't know so it made me uncomfortable. I waited until amost everyone was gone before I stared to change into my gym clothes. When I was done I walked towards my class, Suddenly almosg everyone was looking at me and giggling around me, friends were talking to eachother whilest looking at me. I froze and thought I put my shirt on the wrong way or something, I didn't understand. Few minutes later a girl, sara came to me, she told me she was a friend of liam, the boy I biked with on the way here. She told me that liam told her that he liked me, I was shocked because I just met this boy, how could he already like me like that. I remember on the way here thinking he was kinda cute but, I didn't know what to say. She told me she had to ask me out for him because he was too shy. Everyone in my class already heard what liam told sara, that's why they all looked at me.. and suddenly I felt this huge pressure. I couldn't say no, everyone was staring at me to tell them if i wanted to date this boy or not. If I'd said no everyone would laugh at him or make fun of him, he seemed so nice I couldn't do that to him, so I turned to sara and said yes. I just wished liam would've waited to ask me out because I just met him, I really wanted to get to know him before all this pressure from everyone. On our way back to school, The whole class rode back together, yet all the boys in our class were making these stupid jokes about me and liam and it really bothered me, and for the next couple of days only thing I hearded were these stupid jokes. I really liked liam but the feeling these boys were giving me was too much, I couldn't take it anymore. So I told sara to tell liam I wanted to end things. The same day we also had a party at school and later I heared from sara that liam actually wanted to dance with me. And suddenly I felt so bad that I hurt his feelings, he was so nice to me, so kind, and I broke this boys heart..

Almost a half year later liam and I stared talking again and he asked me out again, I told him that we shouldn't tell everyone we were dating because I didn't want anyone to ruin things for us again. One time I was at my grandma's house and we were making cards, I decided to make one for liam.
It was a very cheesy card, almost cringy if i thing about it now, yet I still gave him the card and he loved it. It snowed that day and we made a heart with our shoe prints in the snow with our names next to it. I was so happy, it was such a perfect day. Few months went by, almost 2 to be exact. I got a text saying liam wanted to break up with me, because it had been months and nothing really serious had happened between us. I mean we hugged goodbye but he was right, we never kissed or held hands. But I was still very sad and I didn't understand why.

Next year of highschool I saw him around a couple of times, never really spoke to eachother again. Until the next year, third year of highschool, he was in the same class as I was again. And suddenly every feeling I'd ever felt for him came back, I even invited him to my birthday party. I remember he shook my hand and my heart was beating like crazy. I confessed my love to him, yet he didn't feel the same way, and after that, again we fell out of touch. But I still looked for him every lunch break, just to look at him, because he still gave me that warm feeling inside. Our last year of highschool we didn't spoke much, said hi to eachother sometimes. One weird time when I was walking my dogs and he yelled my name and waved at me, why?, I still don't know. At our gratuation was the last time I saw him. Almost 2 years later. It's now december 2017 and I'm still thinking about him, after him I never really dated anyone anymore. In january I did get a snapchat from liam, something about harry potter, which we are both obsessed with. For a few weeks we started talking again, I even got his number. But then I hearded he had a girlfriend few weeks later, just when I thought I could get that warm feeling back. But somehow I never gave up, always thinking about him, maybe because he was my first love, maybe because of the person he is, I don't know. I sometimes try to reach out to him but I never get a reply anymore. So, I decided to write our whole story, so I could think of all the memories and feelings one last time, and except that I have to let go. So, I'm letting go.

You were great, thanks for everything. Maybe one day, if it's ment to be.