Forgiving

four

//I sincerely apologize for taking so long to update this story. Writers block is very real and then life got in the way and I lost interest in writing. When I finally decided to pick it back up I couldn't figure out how to make it flow, but anyways that's over, at least for now. The chapter is here. I am still incapable of checking for grammatical errors all the time. (Not really I just to like to reread and spell check), so if you happen to find them, just comment at that particular section. (It makes it a lot easier for me to correct it). This chapter in particular was barely read over and so there will probably be a shit ton of corrections that need to be made. Still, don't be a dick about it though. With that being said, here's the next chapter. Read at your own will.

"When I got home that morning I was a complete and utter mess. I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror."

My face was puffy, swollen and my eyes bloodshot. Dark circles and bags under my eyes from all the crying. I cried the whole way home. I cried on my way to the airport. I cried myself to sleep on the plane. I held myself together long enough to have Big Rob pick me up at the airport once I landed though. He could tell that I was upset and had been crying. Against my wishes, we stopped and got something to eat which I definitely needed and unfortunately cried into, then he drove me home. And like the gentle giant this he is, he made sure I was situated inside before he left me to my thoughts. I took another shower once I unpacked and that's when I began to let the wild and mean thoughts that were consuming my mind run rampant.

I started in the bedroom. It felt like a great place to start. I mean I was already in there, it's where most his shit still resided, and it's where he violated me the most. I would never forgive him for sleeping with Jillyan or any woman in our room, in our bed. Rummaging through his closet I took out all the things that I had paid for and I packed them away in a box that I pushed to the back of my own walk-in closet. Once it was safe and secure I went for the shit he brought. I ripped his shirts in half and cut holes into his suits. All his pants became capris or shorts and all his shorts...let's just say his ass wasn't as nice as mine so I'm not sure he would have looked half as good in them, let alone want to be caught dead in them. I took a knife to his shoes and cut the soles of his shoes up. Not just his Jordans and Yeezys, but his dress shoes too.

"Why the soles of his shoes?"

"He was going to be doing a whole lot of walking in the very near future and I wanted to make it even harder on him. He was the one who decided to step out on our marriage. He was gonna have a hard time trying to step back in, or walking out completely if that's what he chose to do. I wasn't going to stop him at this point." Dinah shrugged. 

Once I was finished cutting up and ripping his things I carried everything: what I couldn't rip and what was too hard to cut along with the scraps and I threw them into the tub in the master bathroom. I emptied at least three or four of the really big bottles of bleach onto them, further destroying them as I contemplated setting it all on fire.

"Well did you set it on fire?"

"No. I thought about it and I probably should've but I'm way too cute to be sitting in a jail cell over a man and I cannot wear that orange jumpsuit everyday. Lisa could do it, god bless her soul, but I am not her. I did however, destroy a lot of his clothes. I wasn't going to allow him to continue to entertain these women in the things that I paid for or helped pick out. Anyone who thought otherwise was clearly out of their damn minds. I had read in a book somewhere or maybe I had seen it in a movie but a woman makes over a guy and helps mold him into the perfect man for her and then he goes and leaves her for someone else. Now I'm not saying I alone made him the man he was up until that point, but he had changed a lot over the years we were together. Yeah, a lot of it was a result of growing up and maturing but also being a husband, my husband and a father to our children. There were certain things that I didn't tolerate before we got married and the things he did to get me in the first place, hadn't come to a complete halt once he got me. It was part of the reason I loved him so much. He knew what I wanted and what I expected of him and prior to his infidelities he had no problems being the man I wanted and needed him to be. I helped craft him into what I thought was the perfect man for me, so no one else deserve to reap the benefits of being with that man. He was gonna have to go back to the world as the person he was before me."