Boy By The Sea • taekook

Twenty Seven

In the dream, Jeongguk is back in the fog again, running.

His feet push onto the ground hard with each step, the rhythm of the motion comforting in its predictable way. His muscles strain under the movement, mind drawing a pleasant buzz from the exertion.

Feeling useful, with a purpose. What he loves.

Until as always, the tiny thought creeps up onto his mind, and grows and spreads slowly, like a virus that threatens to overtake his sanity. The realization that there is no destination.

Doesn't know where he's headed, lost.

Jeongguk frowns and decides to push harder - faster strides, deeper breaths. His muscles respond, tensing up at the challenge and speeds up the run.

But the thought continues to grow, as he looks into the surrounding. Dense fog as far as his eyes can see, thick, swirling, moist to the touch and suffocating down his throat. Slowly, he feels the thought morphing into frustration and fear, as the futility of his movement becomes glaringly obvious.

No destination, lost.

Yet faster and faster he runs, pushing his body to the brink. The pain is fine, he's never had an issue with, even enjoys it to an extent, a method to the mean, to gain the final reward. But the feeling of being utterly lost, of not having a destination in sight, frightens him, pushes his heart into overdrive, thumping wildly in his chest as he starts to gasp for air.

There are no buildings in the horizon, no landmarks or lights, just thick, grey fog. No sense of direction, and no end to his effort.

Futile, useless, lost.

A sound pushes out of the back of his throat, between a scream and an exasperated groan. But as Jeongguk breathes the sound into the fog, it gets swallowed up instantaneously, losing its volume, becoming silent and dull, then it dissipates and dies.

Maybe he's destined for this, the endless sprint, trapped in his own mind with no way out.

Something flashes through Jeongguk's mind, a warmth, a small flame that flickers and refuses to extinguish, no matter how overwhelming the fog feels as it seeps into his pores. And it makes him feel so weary, tired to the bones. He yearns for the ember light on his mind, the flicker that he's seen before, mesmerizing and comforting in its feeble yet defiant way.

Jeongguk pauses. His feet slow down, strides easing, until the sprint stops.

It feels wrong, every fiber on his mind rejecting the action, urging him to pick up speed again. Gotta keep moving, gotta get out of here. Don't be such a coward, keep pushing yourself through.

Yet the weariness has settled in, and for the first time in years, he gives into it, breath hagged, hands pushing into his thighs, torso hunched as his body adjusts into the break.

No more, he silences the voices in his head, and inhales deeply, willing for his heart to slow down. No more running.

His heart thrums wildly in his chest, body worn out and still tense from the jog, but Jeongguk takes a deep breath and stays still.

Inhale, exhale.

Inhale, exhale.

It's ok to stop, he screws his eyes shut and grants himself the permission. Everything will be fine. Just stop.

Slowly, the raging thoughts on his mind start to dull, drawing back like receding waves that lap and curl over each other. His breath grows steady, and limbs starting to loosen from the paralyzing fear.

When he finally opens his eyes again, the fog is miraculously dissipating right in front of him. The dense grey thins out into gossamer sheers, then disappears into air. Jeongguk watches in amazement, as the empty space encircling him expands, and the fog recedes gradually.