if I could fly...

II

Louis:

Although the doorbell had rung, I didn´t move. It couldn´t be Harry, cause he would have known, that he didn´t need to ring the fucking bell. Not after I had sent this picture to him.

But that presupposed that he was even in town. If it wasn´t him, it didn´t matter to me whoever it was. There was only one person I actually wanted to see.

I held a shard against my skin on my right right forearm. Right where the line beneath the skateboard was tattooed. Slowly I pressed the sharp shard into my skin and the black line disappeared.

I read once, that scarred skin was hard to be tattooed, but cutting inked skin was ridiculously easy. I drew a frame around the little guy on the skateboard. And watched him skating in red rain. Drowning in my blood.

I turned my head and pressed my hot forehead down to the cool tiles underneath me.

When my sobs repercussioned in this huge hall, I realised once again and with a stab in my heart, that I was alone.

Nobody would miss me. Nobody would come looking for me or miss me.

Why not leave now, why wait? Wait for what? There was nothing worth waiting for.

Harry wouldn't come.

Not now, not tomorrow, never ever again.

I started to laugh like a lunatic in a very embittered way.

As the minutes flew by, my laugh died and tears came forward. I started to feel cold and ignored the feeling of ice wrapping around my heart.

Should I try to commit suicide and fail on purpose? Would that draw Harry´s attention on me? Did I even want this kind of attention? Every action triggered a reaction and I did not want Harry to react cause he felt obliged to it. I wanted him to come because he wanted to, he should want to be with me.

On the other hand, I had sent him the picture, which was definitely a trigger. And I failed.

With one fingertip I drew a little heart in the blood covering the white tiles.

I was lying on the floor in my own house in the middle of shards and blood. I never felt more alone.

“Louis! Loooooooooouis!”, someone shouted through the door. Not Harry, nope, Liam...

“Louis, open the door!” “Leave!”, I muttered but there was no chance for him to hear me.

“Harry? Harry, he's not reacting!”, obviously Liam was on the phone.

Talking to Harry.

“I can´t just walk in there! What if he's got an alarm system?”

I turned to lay on my back and waited.

Did Liam have the guts or not?

He had. He opened the door, saw me and told Harry: “I got him, he's here. You need to come right away.” I started laughing again. Why was Liam thinking, Harry would even move one finger for me, not to imagine stopping by to see me?

“Okay, Lou, look at me and tell me, what you've done!” “Go away, Liam.”, I repeated. “No, I promised to Harry to take care of you until he gets here. He catching the next plane from London.” I stared at Liam in surprise, was he lying to me?

“Yeah Lou, he´s coming.” I took a relieved breath and allowed Liam to help me stand up. “C'mon, let's get you cleaned up.” I stumbled beside Liam on the way to the bathroom and as soon as we got there, I took a seat on the edge of the tub. He waited for the water to become warm and took my hands to wash them. I did not really feel the pain, but it was a beloved and welcome friend and as Liam disinfected the wounds, I didn´t even flinch.