I wake up, startled, and feel my nightie is damp and my face flushed. My hair is plastered to my face like a four-year-old child who has fallen asleep in the car on a hot summer's day and I cannot kick the duvet off fast enough. My husband, when he awakens from his snore-induced slumber will assume I have had another nightmare, what with the tossing, turning and frantic kicking. My feet finally find their way into the crisp night air and for a brief moment, my body feels a few degrees cooler. I look at the bedside clock, well, my cell phone actually and realise its 01:00 in the morning. I ponder whether moving to Alaska might be feasible. There is a pattern emerging and I am waking up at this time more and more often. Perhaps I am turning into a witch.
06:00 am eventually rolls around and the alarm sounds it's cheery morning chirp that it's time to get up and face the day, but I'm exhausted. I've been awake since 01:00 with bouts of fitful sleep in the small hours.
I hear muffled voices as I pad my way into the kitchen. I'm sure I hear my son muttering to his father "oh oh, the dragon lady is awake". My ears are deceiving me, surely! My angelic, delightful teenage son would never refer to me as the dragon lady. I am the epitome of motherhood. Why then am I raising my voice several decibels way above normal hearing, sternly urging my spawn to get a move on and threaten him with his life if he is not ready to leave the house in the next 20 minutes! Doesn't he realize I have to get to work and fulfil deadlines whilst spewing bitchy, sarcastic comments to the idiots I'm surrounded by.
There's a problem! A serious one. The slacks I wore two weeks ago are tighter around my waistline than they previously were. What fabric is this and why has it shrunk in the wash – this isn't what I paid for! This is a calamity on the grandest of scales. My temper soars, my face is once again flushed and damn it, I'm sweating profusely. Seriously, am I coming down with bubonic plague or Ebola? I look like I've just stepped out of the shower in my work attire. My makeup is starting to run, time is fleeting and I'm frantically trying to pick out another outfit, fix my makeup and find other shoes when I catch my reflection in the mirror. My head feels foggy and somewhat muddled. Has my brain been replaced by cotton wool or some alien invasion I'm not fully aware of. I eye ball myself and wonder if my eyesight is failing me. Time to make an appointment at the optometrist. Come to think of it, the 'ol eyes have been playing up a bit and I notice moments of being blurry eyed. This has nothing to be with being mushy and emotional. I'm a strong, independent woman and I have everything under control. All the time.
Time freezes and all at once, I succumb to the earth shattering revelation. No! It can't be. It just cannot be. I'm not old. Well, not really. My son thinks I'm over the hill, but what does he know anyway.
Have you figured it out yet?
Yes! This is it. This is menopause. The big M. The change of life.
It has snuck up on me like a church mouse raiding the pantry. Silently and slowly but surely making its presence known.
I call in sick. I need a day to come to terms with this new me. It feels like my life has ended and this is a truly traumatic event.
I take a few days to reflect and I thank my lucky stars for Google. It is after all, so much cheaper than a doctor's appointment and I'm not limited to just 15 minutes where I need to remember everything I wanted to tell the doc.
I gather my thoughts and my self-empowering research and after wallowing in self-pity for a few days decide to emerge like the butterfly that's been dormant in its chrysalis. Menopause need not be met with disdain. It is the natural cessation of the menses indicating the childbearing years are ending. Thankfully, with the advances in medicine, there are HRT's, also known as hormone replacement therapy. Why then do we need to HRT's? Simply put, HRT's use female hormones, estrogen and progesterone, to treat common symptoms of menopause and ageing. Doctors can prescribe HRT's during or after menopause. After your period stops, your hormone levels fall, causing uncomfortable symptoms like hot flashes and vaginal dryness, and sometimes conditions like osteoporosis. HRT's replace hormones your body no longer makes, making it the most effective treatment for menopause symptoms.
The power of self-empowerment has allowed me to embrace the next chapter of my life and acknowledge the woman I have become. I have selflessly poured myself into my family and raised a superb, well-balanced and independent young man. I have supported my husband in his endeavours and his career.
The next chapter in my womanhood looms and I look forward to the graceful process we call ageing.
Written by:
Michelé White
