Baby Tommo (1)

That's What Makes her Beautiful.

"Lou" I screamed, one last time, the nurses and midwife were telling me how I just needed to do one last great big push, did they know what this felt like? I wanted to tell them to go push themselves, but no, I'm more dignified than that aren't I? Lou was wiping away the sweat from my forehead, and telling me how much he loved me. I did that one last push, and I'm going to admit to you something, it felt like I was pushing a watermelon out of my nostril, physically and mentally. I looked over towards my lover, he looked a mixture of relief and confusion. My heart raced, as I took a large breath of air and laid back into the soft pillows. I had just given birth for the first time ever, I never had to have a first time again. I was hoping that he wouldn't be asking me to have more any time soon!

"Why isn't it crying?" Lou asked, his voice broke as he said it, I could tell he'd finally picked up that something was wrong. I looked at him and started to cry. His eyes looked like the definition of sadness, like depression had taken over him. Lou was always a smiler, if not on his lips then always in his eyes, but not now. My heart began to break into a million pieces as I watched him collapse to the floor; he kept repeating the word 'no' over and over again in disbelief. It well and truly broke my heart into a million of recoverable pieces, I'd never seen him like that and I never ever wanted to. My Louis was broken and I didn't know how to fix him.

I made one of the nurses go and fetch the other boys. Liam entered the room first; he had this giant smile on his face which washed away when he saw Lou on the floor. He rushed over to give his friend a hug. Still confused why he was crying instead of smiling, nobody explained a thing.

Harry asked Zayn why the baby was being taken away, and Zayn shrugged. Niall came over to me and wrapped his arm around my chest; tears welled up in his eyes. My poor Irish brother, I just wanted to hug him forever.

"Jay what's going on?" Harry asked me, as he choked back tears, I sniffed back my pain and looked him in the eye.

"We lost her." I told him, and Lou burst out in hysterical sobs, still on the floor with Liam, Niall stepped aside and Zayn wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's shoulders. They both watched as Harry slowly made his way over to me. He looked like the life had been sucked out of him, I could hardly recognise him.

"Harry." I whispered, and he just stared at me, heartbreak written all over his face.

"Harry." I repeated unable to think of anything else to say to him, his tears were now streaming down his beautiful face, his head made its way onto the bed beside me, and I comforted him by playing with his curls. I knew that this baby meant alot to all of us, but I didn't know exactly how much until we lost her. I let myself cry, I no longer had the courage to remain strong. I didn't want to be weak my emotions had always controlled me, but if I didn't cry everyone would know how much I was hurting, they'd realise how much this had broken me.