Chapter 1
Augstus. He's all I've been thinking about since he died. It's only been 6 months since his passing but it still feels like yesterday. Every day I think about, what if. What if cancer didn't take him? What if he was still with me? What would I do to hold him just one more time?
I ask myself these questions every day but I know it's pointless. There's no use in thinking about it because no amount of thinking will ever bring him back. My life has been a roller coaster only going down since then.
My life is pointless. I don't even feel like living anymore, it's just too hard. Everything would just be easier if this cancer would take me already so I can be with Gus. But it doesn't seem like that will ever happen. When I was diagnosed I was told I only had months to live, it's been years since my diagnosis and I'm still here, living.
"Hazel." I hear my mom call
"What mom?"
"Come dinners ready."
"Ughhhh I'll be right there." I reply.
Ever since Augustus died my parents have had this idea of having a family dinner every night. My parents enjoy it because it's one of the only times they see me since I always hide away in my room. I just hate these dinners so much because all my parents ever tell me is that I need to move on or that I should go back to support group, that It would be good for me. But this time it was different.
"So Hazel I know you've been going through a rough patch, but we think we found something that can help you." My mom said.
"It's this new revolutionary treatment that can eventually help your breathing." my dad said.
This immediatly caught my attention but I didn't get my hopes too high.
"What exactly is it?" I tell them.
"Well what the doctors would do is that they would basically be inserting this balloon near your lungs and that would essentially help you breath" mom says
"Wait what? I'm not letting the doctors dissect me and just put a balloon inside of me. That's crazy!"
"Look Hazel the doctors have tested it and it has worked in the past. Just think about it."
No I don't want to think about it I'm nearly dying already. Why bother trying some experimental treatment that will probably just kill me and leave my parents without money.
