10%

Chapter 2

Piano had only become an interest of mine because my mother used to listen to it while she cleaned the house. I used to hum along and when I was 10, I asked her if I could play too. Now, she listens to me while cleaning.

The music I play is the only thing that allows me to turn my anger or frustration, fear or sadness or happiness or soul into something more beautiful than the freshest of roses. My fingers graze over the notes with as much effort as falling asleep. It comes naturally. Mother says it's a gift, I say it's a curse. I should be thankful. I am resentful.

I sway to the sounds flowing from the instrument before me. My left hand is angry, slamming into the keys with force like waves crashing against rocks, smashing into walls and cracking open their hearts and all the suffering from being beaten repeatedly by nature is released in a crescendo of emotion. My right hand is softer, yet fierce. The higher notes are screeching above the lower sounds and scream out what I have not been able to say for four years. They beg for a different life and for fairness and equality and are wailing to be let out of this awful, controlled life that we must be forced to live. We are not living, we are simply surviving. And I'm sick of it.

I stand up abruptly from my bench and stare at the black and white. Life is not black and white. It's not even a rainbow. There are colors between colors and colors we cannot see and hues so vividly stained in our minds that they are not at all the color we think it is and when shown in a different light, it becomes something completely opposite to how we've always envisioned it.

Miss Martha let's out a small sound that I presume is supposed to be her shock. Never have I done this. Never have I been rude in another human's presence. I'm sick of having to be the girl everyone expects me to be.

I turn to my instructor with a cold stare. "I'm very sorry Miss Martha, but I seem to be in a very sour state of mind at the moment. I think it's best if you'd kindly leave and perhaps next class I'll be back to my normal self."

The confusion and astonishment are plain on her face. Her mouth is left in a small 'O' and her blue eyes, magnified by her thick, square spectacles, are wider and curiously watching me for any other sign of odd behavior. She says nothing for a while as she collects her purse and stands slowly. I don't move.

She stands a few inches under me and when her eyes meet mine, I can see the understanding deep within them. She is not angry with me. She knows what I am feeling. She just heard it. Her voice quivers when she speaks. "I do not blame you for being frightened. You are a bright young woman and I see great things within you. I will return for our normal lesson once Collection has passed?"

I nod, refusing to meet her eyes. Her wrinkled hand rests on my shoulder before she turns and shuffles through the front door. I know I had been irrational. I know I was rude to kick her out. I just couldn't sit there and play my piano and act as though I wasn't going to disappear in less than a week. My heart crouches lower in my chest.

Mother says nothing when I pass her on my way to my room. She lifts a hand as if to scold me, but drops it and continues typing. I almost hear the disappointment in her breathing, but she says nothing. She won't say anything. She hardly ever does. Always so consumed by the screen she spends half her life in front of. I hate that she works for the people I dislike most of all. Of course, no one knows that I despise the UP. That the Unity of Powers are the same people who steal away lives every year and justify their actions by using science as an excuse. As if saying it's for research suddenly makes it okay. It's not okay. It's not okay to take a 16 year old away from their home, away from their families and use them for some secret purpose. It's not okay that they never return and it's not okay that they treat the process as if they are simply picking the ripest apple out of a sea of rotten ones. They treat us like an experiment and that is not okay nor will it ever be okay.

My knees are curled under me, wrapped in my arms. My chin rests on top, my eyes closed. I do not want to see the space I've locked myself in. I do not want to remind myself of everything I am about to lose. My bed that is so cozy that I will soon leave behind. My window that shows me the same street I've lived on my whole life that will soon become a memory. I breathe in the scent of lavender. The smell that I will cease to own once the UP collects me. I wonder what I will smell like then. I wonder if the room they give me will have windows or if I will have a bed that is cozy. I imagine many awful things and my heart is vomiting at each thought.

I still have two days, I tell myself. Two days of normalcy before the decision is made. Two days to find some confidence in myself and prepare myself for what is to come.

A knock at my door.

I open my eyes and stare at the white of it.

"Yes?" I barely make out.

"Jade?" It's Father. I release the tension in my body I hadn't realized I had acquired. Father slips through the threshold and closes the door behind him all without taking his eyes off me. They are a lighter version of green, similar to my own.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Don't be." I feel his weight on the mattress as it dips to hold his body. "I know it's scary. It's not easy even as your father to watch my child grow up to be so beautiful and successful." His hand rests on my knee where my chin had been moments ago.

"I don't want to have to leave you," I say. My voice is small, even to my own ears. I sound like I am 6 again. When I had first learned of the real world. I asked him why all our buildings had to be crushed and destroyed and why has the sun disappeared? Does it still like us?

"We will always be here. You aren't leaving us," but he hardly sounds sure himself. He tells 6-year-old-me that the buildings are too weak to stand anymore so they are making room for better ones and the sun just got a bit tired of having to shine so bright for us. It's taking a nap, but it will always love us. But he doesn't know that for sure. He couldn't possibly know that.

I stare at his hand on my knee. The wedding band sits snug on his ring finger. It stood out against his tan skin. I'm sure if he were to take it off, there would be a tan line as pale as my own skin.

"Don't let your mind control you, Jay." It's ironic, seeing that my mind does not control me. The Unity of Powers do. But what would it be like to live according to my own standards and to my own schedule however I'd like because there are no rules for me? My mind would be free to question anything and I could explore what is beyond those stupid walls that enclose our society within this bubble. I could let my mind roam.

He stands. Suddenly I want him to stay with me. I want him to lay with me until I fall asleep like he used to when I was younger because I am so tired of this day and so tired of following the rules and I know he will not stay. I know he must tend to his own schedule so that everything is done on time. If he stays any longer, we will be off and the UP will wonder why we are not eating dinner at 5:30 pm and why I am not showering at 6:15 pm and why Mother and Father have not turned on the news at 6 pm. So I let his sad eyes fall over my sad form as I lay empty in this bed, hollow from the thoughts that consume my mind in this moment. I let him walk away without so much as a purse of his lips. I watch his back as he exits my room and once again I am alone. Always alone even in a bubble full of people.

Maybe tonight I can make an exception. Maybe tonight I can just close my eyes and disappear into sleep without having to record my dreams or have to record the number of hours I sleep. Maybe I can start doing things my own way. I wonder what would happen if I defied the schedule. Probably nothing good. I'm not ready to lose my life just yet.

I crawl out of bed to finish my day.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Oookay so clearly there's still work to be done and I will come back and revise eventually but for now this is chapter 2!! I hope everyone is enjoying Jade's story so far and if you are, please vote/comment and let me know your thoughts! Much love :)

Also, I think it'd be really cool to learn about you guys more so let's try to get a little q/a going in the comments? Ask anything in the comments and I'll get back to you!