Scars

This is a story , based on my life but also on my mothers life. If you have a problem with volgure language or cannot handle very depressed situations. I suggest you leave now. And for the ones always telling my mom about my books? And 'snitching' she knows about this. So fuck you.

So let's start in the beginning, where it all started. How my mom is the way she is. How she could care less about me and my siblings.

|||Angela's POV|||

Where do I start? Should I start where. My parents were always getting drunk and never gave a crap about me? Should I start where I was always moving from foster home to foster home until I was 18?? Should I start where I had my first kid at age 13? I have an idea lets start in the beginning.

When I was about 10 years of age I dropped out of school. Yes I know. An early age. But I just had too. Everyday my parents Karen and Jerry would always get drunk. They blame me for everything. I don't understand why. Or even what I did wrong. Jerry would always beat me with the belt. Remember I was 10 in the year 1988. I'd go to school with marks all over me. Jerry soon got to Me. He finally convinced me it was my fault. Everything was my fault. My parents didn't care about me. All I wanted was some attention. I was always getting in trouble and they just didn't care. They'd just let me do whatever I wanted. I started ditching school everyday and went to my boyfriend David's house.

At the Age of 13 I had my oldest, Dalania. I couldn't give her up. I had to keep her. She was my flesh and blood. I told my parents but then again they didn't care. Social workers and police started to investigate our house. They saw that me and my brother Rj we're not in a good living placement. They put us in foster homes. I still don't understand how they think it helps us. It doesn't. It makes it worse. Living without our mom and dad. That's not how it's supposed to work.

When I turned 15. I got engaged with a 20 year old. I thought he was helping me. I slept with him. He was always so angry and I thought that if I slept with him he'd be happy.

I was right. He was happy. But I wasn't. I got pregnant again with my second child jaylonie.

I always snuck out at night so my parents could see my babies. They were a part of their lives and always will be.

I eventually got kicked out of my foster home. I wasn't trying to always get in trouble. It was just the way I was raised.

I kept going to parties at night. I did drugs. I drank alcohol. I did everything. Yeah I know I had kids, but I also wanted to be a teenager.

I finally found a good guy to take care of me at the age 16. We had 2 kids together. Ronnie and Jordan. I kept all of my kids. They were the only thing I had left.

I had to leave California at the age 18. I just had to start over. Start new. But that didn't work out. My brother Rj got sent to jail. He committed murder because he was in a bar. He got drunk and thought someone was trying to start a fight. He grabbed his gun and shot the guy.

Rj couldn't do it. He wanted to get out of there. He wanted attention. He wanted his family. He was so sorry. He started thinking to himself that what he did to the man he killed wasn't acceptable. He thought that if he killed himself, it was make it all better. He could fix what happened. That night he committed suicide. He grabbed a rope and tied it around his Neck. He connected it the the bars of his jail cell and hung himself. But once he started, he thought someone would help him. Someone would save him. They were too late. He died. And it hurt me.

I started doing even more drugs and alcohol. I can't do this. I can't get through life without him. It's hard you know??

At the age of 24 I had 2 more kids with my husband and I honestly treated them like crap. When my kids Eternity and Romeo were the ages of 1 and 2 I was still recovering from my brothers death. When my husband was at work I would leave my babies home alone. Id let them cry until Jose got home to take care of them. I'd go party with my friend Mandi kunstman. We'd drink and smoke together all the time. Along with my other friend candies. Yeah candies don't like me today because of the way I treated my kids, but it's alright. I still don't treat them like I should.

I left Jose because he never let me do what I wanted. I wanted to be young. I wanted to have fun and party. I didn't want to have the responsibility of being a parent. But yet it was my fault I had the kids.

At age 34 I had 3 more kids with my boyfriend Chris. Everyone always doubted Chris. yes he beats me. But the only reason he does that is because he loves me. I know he does. He's me corazon. (My heart) I loved him to death. He's everything I need and want. When everything was together. I had my three kids laoswiana, laoasia, lil Chris. We moved into a state Bloomington California, my home. My birthplace. I left Eternity, Romeo, Dalania, Jaylonie, Jordan, and Ronnie all alone. By themselves. All separated from each other.