I’ve lost a lot of things. Things like; Jeans, books, games, socks, and many other material things that you can touch and feel. What about non-material things? Things like trust and opportunities, relationships, Love? You can lose things like that too. For me, the thing I lost that bothers me, which I think about every day, is myself.
I’ve done things that I am not proud of. I take all of those things back. I regret them. Or do I? Do I need to regret them? Or should I look at them at what has made my characteristics? I did regret them though. In the middle of all that regretting, I realized that I have lost myself. I never tried to see the good in anything. I finally woke up and started looking when I met this girl. Her name is Ashley. She is new this school this year and I’ve known her since September. I fell in love with her. The worst thing is that she has a boyfriend. She has told me her life story; where she came from, what her child hood was like, and why she moved here. As a child, her mother basically tortured her, and her dad was never there for her. She eventually moved back in with her dad and he’s never leaving again. I started thinking about this: “Why does she not regret it? But at the same time, why does she think about it so often?” I figured out that she doesn’t regret it because her childhood is what made her the person that she is today.
After hearing her story I thought to myself: “Why do I regret mine? Compared to her I had a good childhood.” I started thinking about what I could do with my memories. I could push them aside and not talk about them and let all that anger and pain fester in wounds that I don’t know are still open? Or should I keep them near and dear to my heart and think of them as what made me the social, funny, nice, and lovable person that I am now? So I stopped regretting. I started believing in the idea that it’s my past and it should stay my past, my history. There is a saying, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.”
