Holding Love

Clary: Living

Suddenly, I'm back in seventh grade. I've forgotten to study for a test, and I'm absolutely freaking out. I'm running around asking all of my friends to let me borrow their notes to do some last minute cramming so maybe I won't fail and get axe murdered by my parents, but none of them are able to help. Just when I'm about to give up, I notice Austin, standing at his locker. I call his name, and he looks up at me. His lip moves back to reveal a row of braces and he smiles at me. The look in his eyes is hard to place. I ask him for the notes, and he starts to dig through his locker. Things start to pour out of it, and he begins to blush. I smile at how cute it is, practically jumping up and down, my heart pounding from running through the halls. He finally pulls out the notes I need, and I thank him about a million times before running off to class. I notice him watching me with that look in his eye before he's lost among a sea of other kids. I study all through class, and finally it's time to take the test. My hands are sweating the whole time, and it seems like an eternity before I finish. I feel like crying out as I turn in my test to the teacher and she begins to grade it. After a few minutes--or a few hours--she calls out my name. My hands shaking a little, I walk up to her desk. She smiles up at me and hands me my paper. It's a freaking A. Just then, the bell rings, and I bound to the lunch room to find Austin. When I get there, I rush up to him, and he smiles at me, asking how I did. I tell him the news, and he congratulates me. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a kiss on the cheek. This feeling rises up in my chest, one that I've never felt before. It feels. . .good, in a way, but I'm not really sure of what it is. That look comes up in his eyes again, only times a million. I still can't put my finger on what it is, and I find myself worrying that it might be something negative. I shake it off, telling myself that Austin's my best friend and that boys are impossible to read anyway. I give him another huge smile and then rush off to talk to my girlfriends.

Now I'm in eleventh grade. I'm walking down the hall, trying to recover from the dizziness that had implanted in my brain as I'd recently watched Dylan puke his guts out. He'd tried to get to the bathroom, but hadn't made it in time. I'd taken him to the nurse, and, after taking his temperature, had inferred that he couldn't drive and called his mom to take him home Now I'm wandering the halls, wondering how I'm going to get home. Right now, my only options seem to be either hitchhiking or walking. Neither sounds too appealing, so I just walk slowly, trying to figure out what to do. I didn't bring my phone today, but maybe I could borrow someone's and call my mom to come and get me. She should be out of work by now, and hopefully she didn't decide to go downtown today. I wouldn't really enjoy sitting at school for forty-five minutes, by myself. Now to find a phone. I look around, but it looks like most of the students have already scooted. I fainly hear footsteps around the corner, and I rush toward them, hoping that it's someone that I know. When I round the corner, my face breaks into a grin. It's Austin. I call his name, and he turns around, a smile already on his face. He stops and waits for me, and I race up to him. We start talking, and I ask him for a ride. Of course, he says yes. That's Austin. I need anything, he's there and ready to provide it. We're chatting when I look to my left and notice a prom poster hanging on the wall. Oh crap. Dylan and I were supposed to go to prom in a couple of days, and I'm up for queen. But after seeing him throw up like that, I know he won't be fit to even leave bed for at least four. What am I supposed to do now? My mother would be so upset if I went to prom without a date to dance with, especially since I might end up being queen. Well, I guess she could suck it up and I could just go with some friends. Unless. . .Austin. I know that he isn't planning on going, but I know that he didn't have anyone to take anyway, which surprises me. He's so sweet and funny and handsome, I don't know why the girls aren't flocking him. Going to prom with Austin sounds just as good as going with Dylan, if not a little bit better. I can't imagine having a better time with anyone else. I'm nervous to ask, which is stupid, because Austin is my best friend, for crying out loud, but I'm still worried that he won't want to take me. So I just keep thinking to myself as we make our way through the parking lot and get into Austin's car. He cranks up the engine, pulls out of the parking lot, and starts on the route to my house. We talk about school and the people and life in general for a few minutes before we pull up in front of my house. He turns off the car and starts to say goodbye. I decide to suck up my fear and ask him to take me to prom in Dylan's place. He seems a little weirded out at first, like he thought that I would never want to go to prom with him or something. But, after a little bit, he agrees. I feel so happy that I can't help but lean across the seat and plant a big kiss on his cheek. I pull away, and he smiles at me, that mysterious gleaming look in his eyes. I try to put my finger on what it means, but I just can't. No one's ever looked at me that way before. I get this weird feeling in my stomach, and it feels amazing. I just make myself ignore it and thank him ten more times before I get out of the car. I go inside and explain the whole situation, and she accepts my going to prom with Austin right away. I go upstairs, deciding that I'll give Dylan some time to rest before I call him and tell him my plans. I already know he'll be absolutely fine with me going to prom with someone else. He's just great that way. I go into my room and dump my heavy book bag on my bed before going over to my closet door. I open it and look inside at my beautiful royal blue prom dress that Laurie had helped me pick out. As I stare in awe at its beauty, I smile at the thought of the amazing time I'll have at prom with Austin. I just know it's going to be perfect. I go lay on my bed and decide to start killing some of my Trig homework. The whole time, though, it's crazy, because I just can't seem to get Austin's smile out of my head. . .