Sometimes I wonder if he ever cared. People told me he'd find a way to talk to me somehow. I've waited everyday. When I wake up and look at my phone as my heart breaks a little more. He's been gone forever and I just want him back. How did the demon go to heaven for over a year and fall soon after? I'll tell you. He fell in love and his love left him. With no point to be in heaven he felt miserable and fell back to hell. Now when he sleeps he hopes to never wakes again. This is what makes depression when you already have so many issues. Why does god hate me? If he is real and we are his children then he is an abusive father who does not take care of war or the people who suffer. When I see someone living in the street I think to myself as a message to them that our father has abused us and that we are nothing to him. He does not have an excuse or reason to make us suffer. Why only the people that don't want to die die and those who do live? Akira showed me how to live but now I am lost. He has left and now I'm scared of waking up and of going to school. I'm scared of showing my pain to the happy people and ruining their day. Akira made me happy so I never had to worry but now he is gone. I am lost scared and alone. I have no one anymore. Every memory I have of Akira makes me cry. I miss him so much and I remember when we met like it was yesterday. Pain is all the release I have without his love. Without his hugs and without his kisses and little nicknames....I feel completely alone like I'm carrying this weight and it's multiplying. Please someone save me because I'm scared of drowning in my tears. Don't say you feel me if you have never had this happen. I see everyone laughing and smiling while I'm just here no one to lean on no one that cares. Cause you see my friends won't be around and they don't understand. So how am I supposed to explain this pain? Someone help me because I am going to drown!
