A Waltz With Wolves (Book II in The Harrison Inc. Series) | ✓

Chapter Forty-Three: Prying Eyes

Sebastian takes me back to my office after our comforting, reassuring embrace, though my nerves are less than soothed.

Thoughts are running through my mind like a marathon, mostly concerning how Sebastian claims he's going to fix "this," as if we know what "this" is. If he's talking about dealing with his father, then I'm curious to know how he plans to handle that. But the tone of his voice made it seem like he was talking about something else—something more.

We agree to keep everything the way it is, meaning staying complacent, doing our jobs, showing the world that we're happy in the situation we're in. 22 days—that's what I tell myself. But after that, then what? Will it be so simple for he and I to just be together? We could never "be" anything with the entire world constantly watching Sebastian and criticizing his every move. It can never happen.

We don't even kiss or say goodbye once I'm at my office. I want to kiss him again—fuck, I want to. But I have to detach myself from him, training my mind to believe that at least for the next three weeks, we have nothing more to offer each other than professional companionship. So, the weeks drag on this way. Alejandro has been drinking more than I've ever seen him, but his drunkenness isn't vagrant. It's almost...empty. Quiet. I ask him what's wrong; I still care for him, regardless of our gradual detachment from one another. He never tells me what's wrong, just goes on a tangent in Spanish and leaves my presence. I'm trying to hold on; I still care for him.

Lying to him has been harder than I thought it would be. Every time we have sex, I always see Sebastian's face; always imagine him on top of me or behind me or even below me, what have you. Sometimes, I like to think that Alejandro is thinking of someone else, too—a way to cope with my guilt of being in love with someone else. Love. I haven't had time to process the fact. I thought I'd be giddy, smiling like a school girl at the fact of being in love for the first time. But all I feel is anxiety and uncertainty, waiting for the day to come where Sebastian and I can breathe. My anxiety stems from wondering if this day will even come. As Sebastian's publicist, being together or associated in a manner outside of work is detrimental to his image, especially since to the world, Claire is his strawberry blond sweetheart. But as the woman he cares for? It's completely different. Prioritizing these two roles has been hard.

I guess I should talk about how Sebastian and I have been holding up. We've been avoiding each other more than we have before. Of course, this isn't out of animosity or awkwardness. We're putting on a show. An act. Making everyone believe that we're content with how things are. I know Garrett is watching, and I know my grandmother, Ramona, is watching, too. It scares me, their influence. But I trust Sebastian. I love him, and I trust him. So, I refrain from thinking of Genina and I refrain from giving Sebastian more than friendly counsel.

Today marks six days before the Christmas party; I've been counting down impatiently. I've been keeping myself busy, which is a good thing. Attending product launches, photo shoots and meetings for my other clients has kept me occupied. In addition, staying close with the Quintanilla's for the 23rd has undoubtedly made the days go by easier. Today, I'm going up to their house to take a look at the decorations they have in stock; Salvador values my input heavily.

Yitzel and Lupita, Salvador's daughters, are the first ones to greet me when I arrive. I see workers putting up a giant Christmas tree in the foyer, right between the two winding staircases. It's huge, requiring at least a dozen help.

Before the girls and I can say anything further, I see Alejandro coming out of the kitchen with Paisa by his side. It saddens me, how Paisa's welcome is warmer than Alejandro's.

After the second kiss on the cheek, Paisa backs away and lets Alejandro step forward. We kiss, creating this sweet illusion that Yitzel and Lupita can't get enough of. But it seems rather emotionless. Hollow. I pull back from him and look into his eyes, but there's something different about them. They almost look...content. Expectant. He smiles, wide, but I don't return in.