الهجين القط (one direction fanfic)

Chapter fifteen

Chapter fifteen | Harry's POV

I wasn't there. I should have been there. Not for Louis, for Niall. Yes, he was high. Yes, he most likely died during the fall... But I could have caught him with Louis. We'd be strong enough when combined. I could have saved Niall... But now...

Zayn won't talk to anyone. He won't leave the house. He's the one I'm most worried about, really. He barely had accepted his sexuality and how he actually felt about Niall. Now there's no way of fixing that part of him. I wish I could be there to comfort him, but he isn't like Louis when he cries. When Louis cries, he breaks down and you have to physically hold him together. Zayn gets angry at himself and lashes out. It's best to avoid Zayn when he cries.

Of course, One Direction has broken up. It was bound to happen at some point and it couldn't be made official during the period where two members were in illegal hiding. Plus, Niall killed our manager. For some reason, I doubt we'd be allowed to be a band still. And without Niall...

I like to think that Niall jumped out of guilt. That way I have a way of directing my sorrow and frustration at Modest. The press, pappz and fans agree. If they hadn't tortured Louis then try to do the same to Niall, nothing like this would have happened. But sometimes I do completely blame myself. Louis is always there. If it wasn't for me, Louis would stay inside all day. He tries to get me to stay inside because he refuses to let me leave him alone. Even when he wants to take a bath, he begs until I agree to sit on the toilet lid and talk to him.

The funeral was horrendous. Niall's mum broke down and started screaming, Greg having to hold her from jumping down the dug whole where Niall's coffin had been lowered. Their dad was too busy crying himself. Louis broke down too, but more internal. Zayn's reaction was almost as bad as Mrs Horans. He started yelling at us, accusing this of all being a set up.

Some days are worse than others. I'm holding onto the good days. The bad days are most horrendous because, in actual fact, it's been five years since Niall died and we had a funeral a week later. Five years. I don't think any of us realised how much Niall meant to us when he was alive- of course we tried to articulate it to him, but I don't think we ever knew.

The good days are... Amazing. I finally got the guys to ask Louis to marry me last year and, for some reason, he said yes. Today is the wedding day. Greg is the best man. It was a hard time trying to persuade Louis to have Greg to be the best man, since we both agree Niall would be the best man if he was... Here. But I can't focus on that right now, because it's time. The doors are about to open and I'm going to see Louis. Even though we're both in matching suits, it feels like I don't know what he even looks like. I force on a nervous smile, taking a deep breath before nodding and swollowing when heads turn toward me.

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“I always had this idea that you should never give up a happy middle in the hopes of a happy ending, because there is no such thing as a happy ending.” 

- John Green, Let It Snow.