Prologue

Yeah, this is chapter one. What does that really mean? Is it really the beginning, or is it just what I want you to think is the first interesting thing in my life that’s worth writing about? Maybe I’m just too ashamed of my past, and right now I’m starting over. Is that so wrong? The song, “You were my everything “(Aviation) is playing in my headphones, and it brings tears to my eyes. Why? Not really sure I should tell. Who knows who will read this, who knows how they will react. Why do I care? Because, it’s just that bad right now. Things I have done, people I have fucked over… all I can say is I’m sorry. Sorry barely begins to cover it, this I know.  Maybe, just maybe, I’ll keep up on this whole “Story of my life” thing and someday you’ll read this and know I have changed.  The problem here is that I have no idea how to change without that person who I thought was my everything.

The one person who I trusted, and loved left me. No, please don’t pity me. I deserved it, I deserved it far before now- but for whatever reason, that person had stuck by my side through thick and thin. I guess he just had enough, given up. I don’t blame him; at this point I don’t blame anyone. I still play our song, every day on the piano. To make sure I don’t forget it. It’s the only thing I have left of used to be Mr. Important in my life, and I’m holding on to every memory desperately. Yes, I know this sound like a pathetic love fest that fell apart at the seams, sad part -I have no one to blame but myself. Today, I needed to get this off my chest. If I don’t, I honestly don’t know how sane I can stay. Without Mr. Important, I feel as if I am nothing- um, no, let me correct myself- Less than nothing. Sadly, I let my guard down. He left, and now my guard is so hurt it doesn’t have the strength to go back up and shield my little heart and emotions. I’m just a blob of sadness now adaise. Yes, pathetic is the first word that pops into my mind re-reading that. I don’t care, sometimes the truth can seem that way. Note to readers, never promise someone with past trust issues that you will never leave them, and always love them if it’s not 1000000% true.  Today is May 21st 2014. And guess what? Tomorrow’s the beginning of summer vacation.  Ha, can I dedicate “Wake me up when September Ends, by American Rejects” to myself? Ugh! Have a good day America…or world.

xoxo,

Esperanza