Secrets.

The night before

I'm sat on my sofa with my head in my hands thinking about what I've just done and how much of a rush it was. My camera isn't by my side which is a change but my phone is in my pocket. It vibrates and I jump out of my skin. It's Jason, 'Gonna be 30 minutes.' I text back okay. And throw my phone into the blankets on the floor from the night before.

She walks out of my room in one of my hoodies. It's oversized for her. Her bare feet pad along to the kitchen. I turn to look at her as she gets a tall thin wine glass out of the cuboid. It's the one I got Liza and she knows that. Pouring the last bit of the wine into the glass, and drinks it in one. While giving me eye contact the whole time. 'So.' She says as she leaves the glass purposely close to the edge of the countertop. The darkness of the hoodie on her skin makes her seem perfectly perfect. I turn my eyes off her. 'Jason is coming over.' I don't turn when I hear her footsteps echo on the hardware floor behind me. She places her hand on my forehead and slowly draws my head back. I'm looking into her eyes now, not by choice. 'You made the choice, you stick with the consequences of the choice.' She releases me of her soft grip and walks around the sofa to the sliding doors and opens them. Making a gentle breeze seep into the house. The cold air. The cold air. Like the night before.

*

It's a Wednesday night and I invite everyone to come to my house to hang out. I not the most sociable person, but I thought it was a good way to get some content. I hear a knock on the door, it's Liza. I open the door with my camera in my hand switched on. 'Hey, babe.' I say with a weak smile as she looks at the camera, walks past me and drops the food she made on the countertop and walks out of the door before I can even close it. 'Liza, what are you doing?' She pulls her middle finger at me and drives off. Weird.

Everyone is gone except one. Tired and drunk they said as I said bye to them all. I'm outdoors on the chairs around the fire pit looking out to the horizon. Neon lights high and low. Hollywood views. I feel someone's warmth touch my leg. I look to my left and see her blonde beach wave hair. 'Hey David.' 'I thought you went home with Tod.' 'We're over.' I don't reply as the warmth of the touch becomes closer. I look to my left again to be face to face with her. She gives me a soft smile. I smile back. Her warmth is comforting as the fire goes out. 'Come catch me.' She jumps up, me soon following. I chase her around my garden in the dark. I can't see her well and neither can she see me. But I see her shadow and I grab the back of her hand and twirl her round hard. To face me in the dark. I can sense her breath on my neck. She doesn't pull back but in slightly. I draw my hand to her face and pull a strand of blonde silky hair behind her ear. 'Just kiss me already.'

*

She stands there in the doorway. The wind blowing her hair in her face, as she turns to look at me. 'David.' Strongly said. 'Why is Jason coming over?' 'Podcast.' 'Will I see you again.' 'Yeah. I'm posting tomorrow.' I get off the sofa and walk slowly to her. She doesn't move away, 'What a surprise, want me to get in bed with Toddy again.' She speaks while rolling her eyes. 'No I don't.' I glaze my fingers over her shoulder, she shivers. 'David why.' I kiss her steadily but softly. A kiss to show my regret. 'Corinna. I want you. But people don't want us. They want what they want. And we can't stop that. We are living off what people want.' A tear rolls down her plump cheek. It's red, due to drinking. 'But...' I place my finger over her lips. 'Shush.' She flings my finger off her and pushes past me hard. I don't follow. But close the glass door. The cold air shut out. After 10 minutes I go into my room. There are cushions on the floor beside her clothes which she is picking up and shoving into her bag. She sees me walk in, in the corner of her eyes. She runs towards me and hugs me tight. I hold her tightly back. The warmth I missed is back. I can feel her heartbeat pumping hard. 'I don't want you, David. I need you.' I pull her arm's length and kiss her one more time hard. I want to remember the warmth she gives. The love she gives when I give none. She runs her hand through my long hair. And releases our touch as I whisper, 'Tonight 11 pm. I need you too. I have to film a girlfriend tag with Liza today for my second channel.' She smiles a warm smile. 'Okay lover boy.' Corinna. Not Liza.

Ding. Damm the doorbell. Jason. I hush her out of the back door, she is still in my black hoodie.

'Hey.' 'Hey Dave.' He lets himself in. 'Need a drink, just came back from dropping my kids off at their mom's house.' He opens the empty cupboard, 'you really need to start washing up.' He looks at the glasses in the sink. 'Why have you got Liza's favorite wine glass out. She wasn't here last night?' 'Oh um. I just wanted to try it.' Crap. 'Come on let's go record the podcast.' Jason looks at the glass again and sees red lipstick on the rim of the glass. I hope he doesn't remember Corinna was wearing red lipstick last night. As I lead him to the cinema room I look out of the window down the driveway. She's gone. I sigh as I sit alongside Jason and speak into the microphone. 'What's up guys, welcome back to vieeeeews.' I sit back and try to relax into the podcast. Pushing the thoughts away about last night. Grilling Jason about what we are doing to him next in the vlog, per normal. Just joking around, I feel myself losing up. And there goes Jason with a snarky comment. 'So Dave you started to drink wine. How's that going?' I roll my eyes, 'well yes Jason, I always say to try different things.' 'Oh is that why there was red lipstick on the rim of the glass. Trying new things?' He sets off his kettle of a laugh after he finishes. I turn off the recording button. 'What you do that for, we were getting some good content.' 'Shut up Jason. Wanna know the truth?!' The real truth nearly falls off my tongue. But I roll it back and come up with a version of a truth of a lie. 'Liza came round after you all left and she had red lipstick on and she drank out of her favorite glass. Nothing to it.' I walk out of the room and close the door behind me. I walk out my front door and drive out of my house. Leaving a 44 year old man in a 2.6 million house on the Hollywood hills. I put the Tesla on autopilot when I hit the highway and browse through my Instagram feed. Nothing. It's 1 pm and the sun is blinding as I drive past Liza's house. I pull into the driveway and knock on the door. It opens and she is dressed in her introvert merch t-shirt with denim shorts. She jumps into my arms and echoes, 'Sorry about last night, wasn't in a good mood.' ' It's okay.' I hug her, as the quit unravels inside of me. She doesn't deserve a cheater, I know 15 million people who would date her in a heartbeat. She deserves the whole world and I'm not giving it to her. What have I done... I walk into the living room greeted by her camera. 

Please give feedback 💓