"Stop!" Phil yelled. He tried to appear assertive and authoritative but inside he was crumbling.
"Piss off, Phil." Dan slurred, stumbling forward. For three nights in a row he'd snuck out after dark and got drunk. Phil had noticed that he'd been acting strange since his birthday.
"Dan, where were you?" Phil asked.
"None of your business." Dan responded, dragging along the s.
"Seriously. What's been going on? I've been worried about you."
Dan opened and closed his mouth a few times before going to turn away but he lost his balance and tumbled. Phil caught him and pulled him into a hug before jerking him back into a standing position suddenly.
"What's that smell?" Phil asked quietly.
"Sorry?"
"Daniel James Howell, tell me what that is right now!" Phil roared. Dan looked shocked and blinked slowly. Phil never shouted like that.
"Take a guess" Dan spat.
Phil quelled his rage and rested his hands tenderly on Dan's shoulders. He gazed into his best friend's big brown eyes, trying to ignore the fact that they were glazed and he wasn't focusing properly.
"I care about you. I don't want you to have to hide anything from me. Please tell me what's been going on. Don't think I haven't noticed you disappearing for a few hours every night."
"No, Phil, go away. This isn't anything to do with you."
"Dan please."
"Piss off."
"D-"
"Honestly just fuck off. Leave me alone."
Phil went to hug Dan but Dan pushed him away. Phil felt his heart break a little bit.
"Why are you being like this?"
Dan didn't reply. They were both silent for a moment, Dan's heavy breathing the only sound in the hallway.
Phil opened his mouth to say something, but Dan's hand stopped him. Not by holding his mouth shut, instead Dan hit him. The slap echoed through the hallway and Phil teared up. He felt his cheek stinging, and hot tears running down his face.
Dan seemed shocked at himself, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. He stared at his hand, then back at Phil, and then he ran. He ran until he could no longer hear Phil's desperate cries, until he was well away from that stupid apartment. Phil tried to chase him, to bring him back to the flat, but Dan was good at running away from his problems.
14/06/2016
That was the date Dan Howell killed himself.
His body was found in the Thames, at around 1PM.
Phil's hands were trembling violently, his tears dripping onto the small piece of paper as he reread it countless times.
"To Phil,
im sorry
i didnt mean to hit you
i did a bad thing and im so sorry
i hope you forgive me
you wont have to see me again
im going away forever
youll have a better time without me
im so sorry
i love you
From Dan"
He'd left it in the mailbox for the apartment before he left. It was all Phil had left of him, asides his possessions.
Phil didn't talk to anybody after that. He stayed in the apartment and didn't leave. He kept the letter- unable to keep himself from reading it over and over. He'd cry, and keep crying until he fell asleep, then he'd wake up, read it, and cry again.
He could only keep crying for so long.
28/06/2016
The day Phil Lester was found dead.
He was discovered beside Dan's grave, his wrists slit, with a note in his hand.
"To Dan,
I forgive you.
It's okay.
We all make mistakes.
I really do forgive you.
I'm going to see you again.
I'm sorry I was too late.
I love you too.
From Phil."
