Not Normal

About Me

I'm not at all a perfect individual I'm rather someone that's different compared from the rest of the population in this world. I'm rather someone who's never been kissed, someone who's never been touched or had sex with a girl at all. No I'm not looking for someone to have sex with because I think I'm rather young and not ready to do that. I'm a person that's just invisible from the rest of the world. I go to therapy to talk to my therapist everyday about how my days usually go but I try not to complicate things. Everything that i just said i true nut the therapist and not been kissed by someone wasn't true I've been kissed by people that I've dated in the past that is, but I've never been kissed by a girl before. Don't get me wrong I've kissed guys before in the past but I'm different than most people, I'm not the typical type to maybe date a guy and get married and maybe have kids. I'm different I'm not normal everyone isn't normal we all go through different hardships in life that define us in the later future. What I'm trying to say is that not most people no what I'm really am, don't worry I'm not an alien just gotta let that one out. Its something I hardly discuss with anyone and to make a book about it upsets me, but it makes life much much easier for me. Yeah I know what your saying its okay I think having YOU to know about this might help if your going through the same thing. I know your wondering what am I really well maybe in the end of this book you will find out or maybe in the middle who knows. You may start to wonder that I'm really not different, but once you know you will understand. 

Its hard to bring up the topic especially when my mom is around since she isn't the kind of person that likes specific relationships like that, but it hurts at whatever answer she gives me " No I don't like that " or " No your straight " or " No your not like that " would you just STOP already. I'm not straight at all I'm..............................I'm bi I like both guys and girls. 

I think my brother knows about this, but I haven't fully come out of the closet yet. To everyone who is reading this I'm bi. Its not something I'm proud if that makes any sense. The relationships I've had were with guys but they never lasted long at all or so I thought. I don't think I'm suitable enough to be in a relationship because of all my relationships I've been the one that fucked it up. I get these thoughts in my mind whether or not I'm bi or a lesbian and to be honest with you I'm not really sure. I've been told by my mom that I'm not bi I'm a lesbian, but does she really know anything no she probably doesn't not one bit. You see my mom is different, not that I'm comparing to her its just that the way she process things about bi-sexual people is different rather than me of course. I'm a bi-sexual person that likes both guys and girls, but I've never been kissed by a girl before to be honest. 

You may think that being bi is way different than being lesbian, but both of those sexuality have something in common and that's the feeling of not being accepted by your family or your friends are the same thing. Of course my friends totally accept me for who I am, but I don't think my family will. Even by my aunts and uncles they probably won't accept me, you see I have the rest of my family that are somewhat like my mom like my aunts, my mom's sisters, one of them don't like bi-sexual people. What will my grandma say if she finds out about me being bi-sexual, that's what I think about almost everyday. 

I know that I'm not the only one that goes through these thoughts and feelings, but the feeling of not being accepted really, truly is a scary thing to feel.