A Cup of Magic

Grinch

Christmas is my birthday and every year I can't help but be depressed whenever this time comes around. It doesn't help that I am single this year. (when have I ever been un-single before anyway?) And that my family doesn't even celebrate christmas, or my birthday for that matter. But y'know it had always been because of my college expenses, or so they say.

Anyways, It seems as though I've been stuck in a thick sludge of venomous anxiety this year and every now and then I open the gates of my tear ducts just for the hell of it. All I ever did for the past twelve months was hunch over my books and never get out to where the sunlight can actually reach me. Well, listening to music has been one of my favorite hobbies these past months. It's better than having friends who doesn't understand. Or having more than one friend who can't understand. although, I'm just realizing now that my music taste is always leaning on the angsty screamy kind. The songs made my depression kind of worse, but it kind of uplifted me in some way.

This year, for my birthday all I ever want is to prove to myself that I am okay. Okay enough to be loved, and that the memes were wrong and my tears weren't shed in vain.

To be honest, I don't even know why I caught this unreasonable sickness. I had this underlying thought that I should protect myself since I stepped into college, it's like I hatched from my silk cocoon to be a beautiful butterfly. Turns out, I'm not even sure if I'm a butterfly because I don't feel like I've flown higher or improved, I'm always  the spider. The ugly creepy crying little crawler.

This year I woke up like it's a normal day, I didn't even remember it was my birthday. Although I had a vauge remembrance that I cried myself to sleep the night before.

For a moment I heard the subtle beep of a phone somewhere underneath my covers,  I promised myself not to touch my phone today, but the urge was irresistible. A text message popped on the front of the screen. It was from Cody my bestfriend, we haven't really seen each other for months because he was already working and we had lesser time with each other. he greeted me a happy birthday and merry christmas with two very festive christmas trees. christmas eve is the only night of the year we can stay up together but unfortunately, his mom has a really weird idea about christmas eve. She fimly believes that all attention should be directed to family only in this time, but then again isn't everyone's mom like that?  I replied a quick thanks and merry christmas back then proceeded to fix up my unfortunate bed head and bad breath.

Cody called back a few seconds later,

"Yow, I'm comin up! Sorry I didn't see you yesterday, mom was being a lil paranoid at christmas eve dinner again."

"As always..." We both sang together and laughed.

Forgetting his manners, he opened my bedroom door as hard as he can with his phone still in his ear. I flinched at the retaliation of the door by swinging back as hard as he hit it back to his face.

I heard a loud uhh!! And I laughed

"You dork!" I shouted.

He appears once more and this time being really careful with the door. "Merry Christmas!" He says a boyish smile playing on his mouth. "Oh and happy birthday" he smiles then gives me a hug

"So, what brought you here?" I ask, and he gives me an incredulous look.

"Duh, it's your birthday dumb butt! We're going out, already asked your mom"

I gave him a blank look, we never went out for christmas, My family always spent time at his house every December 25th and this going out thing was something new.

"Aw come on, you don't want to have a date with good ole Cody?" He smiles and wraps his sweater clad arm around me for a side embrace. Then as expected a noogie on the head.

I push him off  "shut up Cod fish"

He crosses his arm indignantly "it's swedish fish young lass, you haven't learn anything"

I roll my eyes and smiled.

We pulled up next to our favorite pizzeria and  chose our usual seats next to a large shop window where it had a good view of the street. It was rainy today and the streets looked gray, despite all the contrasting christmas lights twinkling  everywhere. We bought the largest pizza they sold and shared a chocolate smoothy like we used to when we were kids.

We talked about everything we missed about each other, about his job. About my school about him adopting a dog called Dan. And about me being really down in the dumps these past few months. His expression changed gradually as time flew and I felt my heart grew lighter, he was the only one I could trust enough to tell.

After a while I see him wipe his eye kind of subtly, his almond eyes were rimmed red.

"Hey, um... I'm sorry for putting you through all this and forcing my sadness to you, I'm really dampening the christmas spirit."

He shooks his head and reached into his backpack, he held a little red box about the size of his palm and examined it.

"I didn't really have enough time for christmas shopping but I hope this'll do. I know it wouldn't help with what you're feeling but thanks for telling me I'm honored to be your bestfriend" He says as he hands me the present.

"Oh Cody, If I didn't know you better I'd assume this is a necklace" I say jokingly "and not another wacky pair of sock like what you always give me---" I was stopped in my tracks, it was a necklace with my initials on it. It was embellished with little purple diamonds.

"What the freak--?" I looked up at him.

"I love you." He says, his dark skin getting much darker and red as a blush intrudes his skin.

"What?" I asked again I heard it the first time I just needed to hear it a second time because I wasn't sure if I wasn't having a stroke or something. He loved me? Of course I knew that, I loved him too but I've always loved him in a platonic way. It had always been like that.

My jaws were unhinged for the longest time. I waited to meet his eyes but he wouldn't even dare to look up. When he gathered enough courage to finally look me in the eye he was wearing an expression of hopelessness

"You heard it the first time! I don't have to say it again!" He says, his lower lip protuding from a bush of mustache, I honestly teased him endlessly about growing a beard and a mustache and right now he looks like a bear. His blush grew darker and he looked down again.

"I said, I love you"

"I love you too, you've never left me alone, you're always there when I needed you. I appreciate everything. I am honored to be loved by you."

I reached out and kissed his cheek.

Just like that, all the color, the life that drained out of me all seemed to crawl back up and snuggled into my heart. Everything is warm. Everything is love.