Gasoline (d.d)

Late night chipolte.

The rain hammers down on the window, fully representing my mood. Very cliche, I know. I thought l.a wasn't meant to rain? Wasn't it all rainbows and sunshine?

I look towards the door, expecting my mother to come rushing in, telling me to get outside, socialise more. Nothing.

I sigh.

This is what I needed. A fresh start. I stare out the window, then blankly at the few boxes surrounding me. I didn't get time to pack much. I left so quickly.

My eyes focus on the wall, an how little furniture I have. A bed, a small coffee table and a small sofa. I think of going to ikea and getting furniture, but convince myself to do it tomorrow, and that it's probably closed, although I knew for a fact it didn't close for another two hours.

I stare at my hands, my nails bitten to the edge. I think about what I've done. One messy breakup, and I had to move out of the country! Sounds crazy, I know, but that's cause it is crazy.

Me and my boyfriend josh had been dating for only a few months, and I was convinced we were in love, until he cheated on me. His excuse was that I didn't satisfy him.

Bastard.

I was only 20, and already I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I know no one here with me, and I don't make friends easily, and how would I get a job? This was hell. I should of thought about this more before I did it.

Always running away from your problems, never facing them. I clench my fists. To calm myself down, I walk over to the largest box in the corner, and pull out my keyboard. I plug it in, and stare at the keys for several minutes.

Nothing.

Nothing comes to my head. No lyrics, no notes, no tunes, nothing.

I sigh and push myself off the cold hard wooden floor, and grab my hand bag. I need to get out. I go to my car, and start the engine.

Arctic monkeys cd blares out off my speaking, and I hum gently along, different to usual when I normally sing the lyrics loudly. I shake my head. What is wrong with me!? I'm meant to be happy.

I see a sign for chipotle on the road, and decide I might as well eat. Sad, I've only been here for 3 weeks and I already I know my order off by heart. I pull of the main road, and park my car. I walk into the brightly lit room, and notice how quiet it is. One happy couple in the corner, one group of teenagers and one girl siting in a booth on her phone.

I walk over to the cashier, and ask for my order. I collect it, and go to sit in a booth in the far corner, by the girl on her phone.

Again, I start thinking. I really needed to stop, as whenever I did this i started to overthink everything, and that usually ends with me panicking. But I don't stop. Questions buzz round my head, and I realise I haven't even unwrapped my food.

I don't when it started, but i realise that tears are rolling down my face, and that a voice was asking if I was ok. I feel an arm close around my shoulder, and a soothing voice. The mystery person picks up my food, puts it in her bag, then grabs my hand gently.

I look up to her, to see she's talking to me. "Come on, let's get out of here." I sniffle and nod, then walk with her. We push out of the door, and walk to what I was assuming her car. She gets into the front seat, and I in the passenger. "What's your name?" She asks. "Sophie." I softly respond. "Hi Sophie, in gabbie." I nod. "Do you want to come back for mine for a bit? You seem pretty upset, and I don't want you driving at this time." I hesitate, then nod. I'll pick up my car later on when I've calmed down. She nods, and starts the car.