I stand up in clothes. I'm finally wearing clothes. I've lost about 43lbs according to the doctor so My mom went to the store. I'm a 10 again in pants. I look so lost. Just standing at the hospital door. I look like I've died. I lost my tan being trapped in that stupid house.
She pulls up in a lexis. When did she ever have money? I rush to the car and sit in the passenger seat. "Lets go shopping." She states trying to become my mother again. I want to say no, but I do need clothes. "Fine." I spit at her making her mad.
We pull up to the Mall of Illinois. I hop out the car and stare. I stare at the sky. The bright blue sky. I haven't seen the sky in 4 months. Yes, that's right 4 months of torture. She throws her arm with mine. I hate to admit it, but I missed her.
She drags me into the jcpenny. "There's a lot of people here." I state losing my breath. Oh no. "Yes Maddie that's cause it's a mall and it's Friday." She states as she looks over at my empty face. She moves away and starts to worry. " I can't breath.." I state as she runs over to me.
I fall. I keep falling. I land in the blue room. "Honeybuns!" Jack yells as he walks into the room. I turn my head as tears fall. "I got you a gift for being so good last night" He says with a smile, thinking I'm okay. Wrong.
Jack hands me a small box wrapped in blue snowflake wrapping paper. He throws me a sheet. I force my naked and weak body to cover myself. I open the box with a fake half smile. I gag at the sight of what he bought. No, God no. I put on a façade.
"Dad you shouldn't have." I say with my heart in my throat.
"Oh please honeybuns, it's my pleasure." He smiles, a real smile. He actually thinks I still love him.
"Put it on" He says rushing over to my side. I take out the fiery red 'undergarments'. I want to die. I stand up with no strength at all. I slide into the red laced lingerie. My legs lose it's balance.
"Maddie, your okay." My mother states as my eyes open. I gasp for air as I sit up. "Where are we?" I ask blank. "The mall clinic Sweetie" She responds relieved. I sit for a minute and force my arms into what I've been waiting for. A hug.
She doesn't push away. She pulls me in closer and I start to cry. I missed her so much. I could be really mad right now, but I chose not to. I missed the feeling of being touched. She pulls away and looks at my flushed face. "Maddie, I know it was all my fault. I'm ready to change everything."
We walk out the clinic. She connects her arm with mine. Suddenly I don't feel so gone. I've been gone for 2 years. I've been trapped for 2 years. I am free.
"Let's go to Macy's" My mother states overly excited.
"Sure, as long as you don't dress me like a grandma" I reply back making her laugh.
We get to Victorias Secret. As we walk in I stare at the leggings. I had a few pairs when I had a normal life. "I want those" I point at the same pairs I wore almost every Tuesday. I missed school. I missed being popular. What did all my friends think about how one day I just vanished?
We walk towards the cash register. I see the fiery laced lingerie. I cringe and give my mother an empty face. She rushes towards me and covers my face in her coat. I start to cry. I scream. Why did I scream?
We are running. I don't know where. I come to a stop. It's not black anymore. It's blue. The sky, it's blue. I breath. "Thanks" I say looking up. I loved the outside. I miss my feet being on the grass. No shoes, riding my bike going no where. I miss being with Noah. Noah. My bestfriend. The guy who waited all night.I made him leave. He was there for me.
"Do you want me to go pay for the clothes?" My mother states breaking me of my day dream.
"Yeah" I state looking back down. She puts the bags next to me as I sit on the bench. "Stay. I love you." She states as she trails off into the large crowd. I look back up at the blue sky.
"Why am I so interested" I say aloud blocking out everything else.
"Maybe cause you've been gone for 2 years." A familiar face states as he sits down.
I shake my head and look over at him. He has a young face, almost as if he's 18 or so. Gel styled brown hair. Deep brown. Red high school jacket. I know him.
"Noah, remember me?" He states as he holds his hand out. I smile.
"That's cool. We'll catch up someday." He states as he smiles back. I nod.
Noah was my best friend. 'There till' the very end'. We did track together. He was in all of my classes and I tutored him in everything but P.E. We weren't the most popular kids until I joined cheer. I became popular. He was left behind.
I still hung out with him. Still tutored him. I was always sitting at lunch with him. He was really bullied, just talked behind backs of some high school drop-outs. I had set him up with one of my cheer friends. They loved each other and that's when we stopped hanging out. Next thing you know I'm taken and being raped for 2 years.
I decide to speak.
"How's Kelly?" I say as I look at him with a desperate look. He knows I need help.
"Broke up 2 years ago, right before you vanished. Missed talking to you." He reply's as he stands up from the bench.
He walks off. There I am again- Alone.
