Set Her Free

3.

My ride back home was the longest today. Soon I have my major exams before I go on summer break and I honestly feel like I'm not anywhere close to being prepared for all this. My thoughts have been jumbled up with so many useless yet important things all at once and I'm not sure how long I can contain these thoughts. I mean to be honest, Yale doesn't sound bad, I know I would have to go through hell in order to convince my mom about changing my school preference but it'll be worth it in the end. Also, I've been so obsessed with Harvard that it never occurred to me that I needed a backup school just in case I'm not able to get in. Yale is a good school too and who knows, maybe I'd face less challenges as compared to attending Harvard.

"Calm down Liz, you can come up with something," I thought to myself, "this shouldn't be because of a boy you met today, it's about your future and where you're going to end up."

"Liz Anne, dinner is in five minutes."

"Okay mama, one minute."

There was an awkward tension at dinner today when nobody spoke and that made me more uncomfortable considering the debate i had with myself earlier and how i was going to break the news to my mom about sending out an application to yale as well. I decided to break the silence by talking about my day and slowly easing into the topic, "so a number of universities from different countries came to school today to help us expand our options and apply before summer break." Still there was silence, so i carried on. "I looked at Georgetown University, University of South Wales, Stanford University, Harvard and Yale." Again, silence and just a nod from my mother so i just went straight to the point.

"I'm considering applying for Yale,maybe." At this last part my voice comes out as a squeak when my mothers fork drops from between her fingers and onto the glass plate as she turns to look at me with a terrifying look on her face.

"Liz dear," she tried to contain her growing anger but clearly it was not working, "we have already discussed this matter and you'll be going to Harvard," but before she could move from her seat i had to make it clear to her that i was growing  up and it's time I made decisions for myself. She can't keep tossing me around anywhere and expecting me to excel when I'm not even comfortable to begin with. Besides, my older brothers were free to make their own decisions and choose what they wanted to do with their lives and she didn't even bother for a second to doubt them or make any rude remarks.

"Mom, it's about time I made some decisions for myself. I didn't jump to the conclusion and say I am going to Yale, I told you I'm considering it. If I didn't care about your decision I wouldn't have even brought this up and I would have applied by now, but being civilized as I am, I decided to tell you that I had more options apart from Harvard so that if, God forbid, I never get into Harvard, I'd be safe with a backup school that is ready to accept me."

I was shocked when she didn't make any advances to pounce at me or snap my head off at the liberty and confidence i was using to talk to her. Instead, she sat in her grounds and listened to everything i had to say . This was not normal, there must be something on her mind that she needs to say because it isn't normal for her to stay calm when someone doesn't agree with her.

"I respect that you came to ask me first and that you think you're old enough to make your decision but we are not changing from Harvard and that is it. So far as you're under my roof, I make decisions. Now let's end this conversation and get ready for school tomorrow." She said rather calmly.

Suddenly my voice raises at my mother,"Mom but I'm almost seventeen years old,come on I'm allowed to make a decision on my own.  It's not like I'm telling you I want to get married or go live with a stranger. This is my education we are talking about and I want to have a say in it too. It's bad enough i have to deal with the whole move from home, leaving my boyfriend and even lying to him which lead to me being dumped, " I wave in frustration until I suddenly slapped my hand over my mouth, realizing i had just exposed myself. My mother gaped at the mention of the word 'boyfriend' and before I could think of my next move, I felt her heavy palm against my cheek sending a sharp burn  in that  area. I guess I jinxed her being calm before i could see what was coming.