One Accident and its all OVER...OR IS IT NOT?!?

Pain is All I know NOW!!!

Timeline A where Khushi dies Post Cliff Accident:

Arnav POV
"And then Muskaan started crawling slowly. See Chotte Muskaan is already planning to quickly grow up and play with her Mamu. Its just a matter of time now." Di said trying her level best to cheer me up yet again.

"Yes bhai. And guess what if my calculations are correct you will be a Chachu by this winter. I am sure you will have no time for your work and office then." Akaash smiled at me.

"Chotte see Anjali bitiya and Akaash bitwa are planning so much already for you." Nani also commented.

This was their daily routine. Di, Akaash and Nani would come to my room late night and tried their level best to make me feel something. Anything at all. I know they are following the doctors instructions. The psychologist has told them that the best approach is giving me a happy atmosphere. So that is an everyday scene after I come back from work. I was a workaholic once, but today I am a work addict. You wanna why??

Because I lost the reason of my living. I lost my happiness. I lost my Khushi. My anger, my temper tantrums, my bitter words and actions all were long gone. And now I regret it all. I wish I had trusted her. I wish I had heard her pleas of being innocent. But what did I do? Like always I let the monster inside me control me. ASR won. And Arnavji got buried somewhere. That unfortunate cliff accident took away everything from me. ASRs attitude and ego did nothing to help when I was kidnapped.

Galati Shyam Manohar Jha ki kabhie thi hi nai. Galati Arnav Singh Raizada ki thi. Hamesha.(Shyam Manohar Jha was never at fault. Arnav Singh Raizada was the one who was wrong always).

I find it difficult to breath at times. It seems like darkness surrounds me always. As if someone punched a deep hole in my chest. A big black hole. No one jokes with me. No one teases me. No one calls me Swami(god). I wish for her to call me that now. Beast. Remember she described me once as a Beast who has captured the Beauty. Khushi was right. I am one. A good for nothing beast. See how I destroyed her soul. This is what I deserve loneliness. Devi Maiyya. Khushi's Devi Maiyya gave me a blessing once in Sheesh Mahal. She was in my arms. And I failed to understand that blessing...that happiness.

She came for me. She came for me when I was kidnapped. Even after tolerating so much hurt and pain from me....Khushi came to rescue me twice. But see....the second time....she lost her chance for a life. I can perfectly recall that accident on the cliff. Its engraved in my memories.

How she called out my name...

Arnavji....

How she slipped off the cliff...

How I was unable to save her...

How a completely destroyed female body was found a week later near that cliff...

How a few broken bangles and mangalsutra were identified with the body...

That mangalsutra which I tied around her neck in anger. When she was in tears...when I uttered the poisonous words....contract marriage...to the girl who I loved from my core. She wore that mangalsutra like a dutiful wife.

I was engrossed in my thoughts when Di entered my room. She stared at me...worriedly.
"Chotte...you did not sleep all night. Again. You are still sitting on the recliner where we left you in the night? Why are you punishing yourself so harshly Chotte? You know she would never want you to be like this. Please Chotte try to get back to your life. I know its not easy. But this is life. We have to struggle always. Thats what living is all about. Look at me? Am I not living for my babygirl, Muskaan. I wanted a happy married life with Shyamji but destiny wanted something else totally. He was never meant to be a good husband or father. Thats why he is rotting in prison right now." Di tried to explain her point of view.