Cream walls
Shadows in sepia
But that's not what I remember most
When I wasn't looking into your icy eyes
I stared at the ceiling
Abrasive and sandpapery
Much like you
You were velvety when I sat on your lap
Nestled into your neck
Warm breath
And whispers
The sound of the door closing behind you
Like a prison cell
Locking everyone else out
Locking you in
You caught me in a vulnerable position
Sunk your teeth into my mommy issues
Gave your word
When I should've known that your promises were as valuable as a rusty penny
My blindside wasn't as well protected as I'd thought
You filled my head with lies
Disarming my guards
And demolishing my artisan crafted walls
Ordered special for people like you
Laying your head on my chest
I won't soon forget the smell of your hair
Like when headlights hit a deer
Stand frozen
Willing for it to be over
In anyway possible
Rosy cheeks
The black spots that swam across my vision
And chants running through my mind
Leave
Please
Just leave
Swirls of blue, pink, and grey
Pulling my scarf over my head wouldn't make you disappear
No matter how much I hoped it would
One last kiss
Before we went out separate ways
A tiny peck
I hope you know that I feel it in my nightmares
Or that my chest tightens at the mention of you
Or that I avoid overpasses
Because the shame eats away at me sometimes
Warm hugs
Angry tears
A shattered piece scavenger hunt
I haven't found them all yet
You may have bent me
But you didn't break me
That I am reminded of as I grit my teeth
And stare at the ceiling
