I Don't See Beautiful

Beautiful

     I woke up just a few days ago feeling unhappy. I felt like something was different... In a bad way. I just ignored it until I went to brush my teeth. I found out what was so different was the way I looked. It wasn't particularly different but something about it seemed.. Uglier. That's just what I was. I just never realized it. I stuttered when feeling the need to say something. No words came out. I felt a pain in my stomach when I realized.. I looked despicable. "How could anyone stand to look like this!?" I said hoping it was just my tired eyes playing tricks on me. I washed my face off and did what I had to do before attending school once more.

     I was all ready and had twenty minutes to spare. I decided I would check back again hoping my insecurities would fade away and I would look as beautiful as I once felt. There was no change. I was still that ugly and pathetic girl you wouldn't wish your enemy to be near. "What's wrong with me!?" I yelled "the beginning of the school year, and I look like this!?" I felt a tear sneaking from my eye and tried to hold it back. "Come on, this is stupid!" I banged my head upon that bathroom door. I spent most time after that doing nothing but thinking. Sometimes thinking helps, but it this case; it made everything worse.

     My Mother called me and interrupted my thoughts. "Alexandra!!" "You're gonna be late!" She said
"thanks, Mom" "love you" I told her
"I love you too" "are you okay, hun?" She asked me sounding concerned
"Yeah, why?" I replied feeling worried
"I heard you yelling"
"Oh, well-" I said trying to think of an excuse "forget about that; I'm fine now" I lied and faked a smile. "lying is the best way" I thought as I ran to my room to grab my phone and get right back to my Mother. I was getting my liscene the next day but at that time her car was my transportation. I sat in the front seat and listened to my Mother as I knew she had something to say "You better not be late tomorrow" she said
"I won't be" "sorry Mom" I replied
"It's alright" she told me. The car ride stayed silent until it was time for me to get out. "I love you" I said
"I love you too, sweetheart" she replied.

     At school, I didn't have many friends. I used to have a best friend, but she moved to California. I only had my significant other. His name was Beck. Sometimes I like to think of him as my best friend. I'd rather talk to him about our relationship problems than someone who's not even in it. It's better to solve problems that way, in my opinion.

     A small smile appeared on my face as I saw him walking up to me. Then I heard his voice. I couldn't hear what he said. I only heard my fears coming out of his mouth. I knew it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I also felt it was true. "I might just leave you for someone prettier" I heard him say before my hands started shaking. I didn't know what to do. His smile fit so well with that comment. I was sure that was what he was thinking. He noticed my hands shaking and asked me if I was alright.
"Leave me alone" I told him
"What?"
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE, BECK" I yelled before running off to put my stuff away and get away from him. I got everything I needed from my locker just in time. Quickly, all of my unwanted thoughts came back and once more I wanted to cry. I couldn't stop it this time.