"so youre coming?" my cousin rolled his eyes as he tossed clothes into his jansport. i had babbled to him for half an hour about how excited i was to go with him and his friends on their summer roadtrip. i had absolutely no idea of what i was really getting myself into. i nodded and turned to leave his room, him smiling back at me.
i didn't bring much to my aunts, but i was advised to bring less with me. i decided to pack my things inside of a denim vans backpack, and left the things i wouldn't use out. when i was finished packing the bag seemed to weigh a ton, but there was still space in the bag and i figured that i hadn't packed too much.
jawsh told my aunt at dinner that we'd be leaving at three, the next morning. she was frightened and concerned but i thought her love for us was cute. she made him promise that he would keep me safe before we could leave the table.
two-thirty that morning jawsh shook me out of bed with no words. he left my room as i readied myself in the dim lamplight, as it was dark. i smeared a line of black eyeliner under my eyes and pulled on a the grateful dead sweatshirt, leaving myself in a pair of men's sweatpants. i pulled my bag over my shoulder, and planted a kiss on my aunts cheek: "see you in september," i whispered.
i sat in the passenger seat for about fifteen minutes before we picked somebody up. it was jawsh's girlfriend, alyssa. i'd seen her at the party but she was quiet and we didn't talk. "hi, nice to see you." she smiled as we loaded her things into the trunk.
the ride was around two hours long, and jawsh was blasting emo rock music the whole time. i wanted nothing more then to get out of that car. "we're staying in a motel tonight, don't get used to it." he announced to me.
it was raining as we entered the small urban town. the sound of the rain as it hit the window reminded me of home, and i wasn't sure of how i felt about it. i listened more to jawsh as he talked to alyssa about where we were going and how it would work. the hotel room had one bed and one fold out. i safely assumed that the foldout was mine when he drove into the motels parking lot.
jawsh left us in the car to go check in and get a key. "i'm sorry about your loss." alyssa turned and spoke to me. "i was twelve when my mom left us, i haven't really stayed home since." i felt bad for her, she seemed nice and didn't deserve it.
"it's okay, i didn't like my mom anyway." i giggled, and she laughed in response.
i could see jawsh walking back towards the car with a key in his hand. he picked up our bags out of the car and took them with him, to the door that our car was parked in front of.
after a few moments he opened the car doors and led us into the room. it was small and tidy, but big enough to fit us inside. "a few people are gonna come over, it'll be a little while though." he remarked, tossing bags onto the bed.
about an hour passed with me sitting on the couch and watching the shitty tv programming offered at the motel. josh sat on the bed strumming a ukulele and singing the words to a weird indie song about drunk driving. alyssa listened patiently, smiling and nodding her head to the tune.
soon, people started to arrive. first it was brayton, "hi i'm bray." he awkwardly spat words at me. he was shivering, although he was inside and it was summer. i could see beads of sweat gathering on his neck as he frantically bit his nails.
"are you sick?" as soon as the words left my mouth i felt as i had been rude. jawsh and alyssa turned toward me and bray laughed awkwardly. he placed his hand on my shoulder and i felt as if it was scolding metal, pulled from a fire: his touch burned through my clothing and singed my skin.
"i haven't had a dose in a little while." he giggled slightly, removing his hand from my shoulder and walking over to alyssa and jawsh.
the next person to arrive was kenny. he was taller, and lanky. his hair was messily pulled under a red vans cap and he wore a flannel with his skinny jeans. he stumbled into the room and i could smell the alcohol radiating off of him when he introduced himself. the whole time i was wondering how he had gotten here.
the next two people to arrive, i had never seen before. the first was a girl slightly shorter then me. she was shockingly pale, her white skin revealing her bruised veins. her eyes were blue, surrounded by white shimmery eyeliner and pink chunky glitter. her thin light pink hair sat at her shoulders, it looked like cotton candy. she was wearing a oversized pastel pink sweater, and skater vans. she was flattering.
the girl who followed her was black, like many of jawsh's friends. her skin was the color of the inside of tree bark, and freckles were scattered all over her face. the part of her hair that bordered her face was divided into two bantu knots, and the rest of her fro was out. she wore purple sparkly eyeshadow and lipgloss that looked like liquid glass. her outfit consisted of a corduroy, purple, oversized dress with overall style straps. she didnt wear a bra, so you could easily see both of her boobs.
the first began to walk in, and the second one followed her. greeting jawsh, then alyssa, then kenny, then bray. and finally they made their way over toward me. i was slightly intimidated in my messy state. "hi, i'm athena. you are?" she pushed a tuft of her pink hair over her shoulder.
"kassidy. i'm kassidy. nice to meet you." i shook her hand kindly and smiled, trying not to make the same mistake i made with bray.
"i'm zahra. nice to meet you." the second girl shyly extended her hand, and giggled to herself.
both girls seemed nice, but weird. i was having a good time, and my mind seemed to veer very far away from thoughts about bad people and the things that they do. but that seemed to change.
he opened the motel room door, and everything began to glow. he smiled and weaved his way through the few people in the room and walked directly to jawsh. "i've missed you, it feels like forever."
jawsh pulled the boy into his side roughly, "we do the devils work tonight, ash." he exclaimed with a smile on his face.
"as we do every night, my man." he responded, laughing to himself.
i sat on the couch for a few more hours. during that time i found myself becoming more and more upset as i observed the foreign and freak scene. the group discussed things loudly, every person in the room turning to pay exemplary attention to the things that ash had said.
in fact, some of the guests were particularly touchy with him. athena, taking a seat on his lap whenever she got the chance. bray's nosebleeds seemed never ending and his hands were always over ash's body rather then clutching tissues.
this made me feel upset. i wouldn't say jealous, i couldn't be jealous over somebody that i had just met. i wouldn't allow myself to admit the foolishness of this. but it made me upset. it made me angry and i was tempted to not contain the fire it ignited inside me. i was upset.
