There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, is this really how I want to live my life? Scared and alone? Did I really want to live in fear of my own happiness?
My time to answer was now and I could only hope that the choices I make were for th...
It's been a week. A long, horrible, emotionally draining week. Classes were harder than usual but not attending wasn't an option. Normani hasn't called or texted and she avoided me in mutual classes leaving me to talk with Adrian, which admittedly isn't so bad anymore.
The no contact was helping- to an extent. I wasn't so frustrated anymore but now I missed her. A lot. I'm too stubborn to text first but I know she isn't going to text me. The struggle is too real.
"Lo, when exactly do you think you'll be finished moping around? It's been a few days and I'm ready to have my friend back." Ally, who's been harassing me practically this whole time, climbed up beside me on my bed and hugged me. I struggled under her surprisingly tight grip frowning.
"I'm thinking maybe tomorrow. Or next Monday. I haven't decided." I answered giving up on escaping her grasp. Humming softly, she let go and grabbed my phone. "Hey! What are you doing?"
"I'm calling Normani. She's been bummed out too and I'm not watching you two sit around looking like sad lost puppies because you're too stubborn to text first." Silence came over me as her words sunk in. If Normani was affected by this too then she must care, right? At least a little bit. It was enough for me.
"No, don't call her." I stood up pulling on my shoes and jacket. "Her class gets out in a few minutes. I know where it is just let me." I took my phone back, walking out of the room. It was impulsive, I know, but I missed her and I was tired of feeling shitty. - "Mani!" I sped up, walking up towards her. Her eyes wandered around for a moment before landing on me. She didn't really smile but she also didn't glare so it was progress! I walked faster until I was right beside her. "Hi."
"Hey, what do you want?" Ouch.
"I was thinking we could talk? Maybe?" i shuffled my feet awkwardly, staring between her soft eyes and the grass. The confidence I had coming into this had now completely dissipated. I was tempted to turn back.
"Talk?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically "you want to talk? You were the one who stormed out on me." She started to walk away but I was close behind.
"Yeah I stormed out, but you deserved it and you know it, Normani." She was quiet. "...this relationship is important to me even when you're an asshole so can we just talk? Please?"
"I'm not an asshole. If anything you're the asshole...but I suppose we can just be assholes together. I need to get to my dorm, so you're going to have come along if you want to talk." I didn't need to be told twice. I followed her, quietly thinking up all the points I needed to make when we finally reached her room. I don't want a repeat of what happened the last time we spoke.
"So um what have you been up to?" I asked following her into the unnaturally clean dorm. "Spring cleaning?" There really wasn't one speck of dust in sight.
She laughed softly, shaking her head as she tossed off her shoes.
"No, I did that a few days ago. It was a distraction of sorts. Plus Dinah transferred out for whatever reason so it's easy to keep clean. I've mostly just been doing my work. Preparing myself for law school. You know, the usual." She went back into her room flopping dramatically to her bed then pat the small space in front of her. "Cuddle."
"Yeah um...as tempting as that sounds, I came here so that we could talk." She whined loudly but sat up facing me. Smiling sympathetically, I sat beside her. "So last week?"
"I overreacted. Yeah, I admit it. I was angry, not necessarily at you but I took it out on you." She shrugged sighing softly, "I should've let it go when you told me but, yeah..I'm sorry."
"Overreacted might be the understatement of the year. You were a massive dick you know." She nodded chuckling softly. "So, why were you acting so shady?" Shady was an understatement, but I didn't want to fight anymore.
"How do you mean?" She folding one leg under her, tilting her head. I know she can't possibly be that clueless.
"Um well for starters, you didn't let me in your room, you were barely dressed despite it being -2 degrees in here, and you we-"
"Okay, Okay I got it. I'm sorry. But I didn't lie. My room was messy. Like to the point where it was slightly embarrassing. I did change my clothes- like I always do on Fridays after class. I mean, I get why you thought I was being suspicious, but I wasn't." She shrugged again, leaning back against her pillows. I wasn't sure if I believed her.
I wanted to believe but the explanation seemed so simple..almost planned out or something. Maybe it's just the pessimist in me. I should just be happy, right? Unless she's lying...
"So who was the guy? And please don't just say a friend."
"His name is Vinny. He's Dinah's boyfriend actually. They're getting an apartment off-campus together." She rolled her eyes and continued. "We are friends though. He was here telling me the news because Dinah didn't want to upset me which made no sense but it's whatever."
"That's all that happened? You just talked?" Suspect was evident in my voice but I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want her to think I had my mind made up then shut down like last time.
"Yeah, I...I'm gay, Lauren. I have no attraction towards men whatsoever. No need to be jealous." She sent me a small smirk, tying up her hair. Warmth spread across my cheeks but I ignored it, shaking my head.
"I wasn't jealous really. Just..concerned. I just wanted to make sure we were, you know, on the same page."
"Yeah, I get that. We're okay though, right? You aren't still mad or anything? I know I was really out of pocket.." I laughed softly at her nervous reply and shook my head again.
"Yeah, we're okay. I wasn't really mad anyway, you were just being slightly annoying. I'm okay if you are."
"Fair enough..I guess we're okay then." she shrugged, flinging her bra across the room. When did she take that off?
"Okay, um I'm not really sure how to end this..." I trailed, awkwardly running my fingers through my messy hair. A small glint flashed across her eyes and she smirked, "what?"
"We could always just kiss and make up?"
"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?" I leaned towards her mirroring her smirk.
"Yes, as a matter of fact I would. Now, come here." Her hand formed around the back of my neck, bringing our lips closer until they touched. I'll admit, I missed it. A lot.
I returned her advances of course, but it never escalated. We laid there together, placing small kisses against each other every so often. She was so beautiful from this angle. Well, she was beautiful from every angle, but there was something ethereal about being up close like this.
"Hey, I am sorry about Dinah, you know. You seemed to really like her when she wasn't making messes." I spoke softly, rubbing my thumb over her cheekbone. I pecked her lips again, looking into her dark eyes.
"It's okay. Things aren't meant to last forever, Lauren." She move my hand away suddenly, turning to her side. "Good night."
A/N: I don't know how good this is, but I'm sick and I don't feel like editing it so if it's trash then pretend like it isn't. Btw my bad for unpublishing yesterday 'twas an accident.
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