Missing you// e.d

Letting you go

It all started with that smile, that damn smile.

You were my drug, my love I could never forget

I miss your voice, your presence, I miss you

It's hard to let go of something so pure and special

I never thought I'd loose you...until I did

I lay alone drowning in tears and affected by unhappiness

You were gone, and you were all I had

There was no getting you back...it was done

It's been a moth since I've lost you...exactly a month

Without you here it's hard, hard to do just everyday things

I wake up every morning to what feels like a empty bed without you. But I have to move on. I get up and out of bed getting ready for the day.  I started to my bathroom just down the hall from my bedroom. I look in the mirror to see myself a mess I had bags under my eyes and look like I hadn't left my house in months. I looked down at the sink and lose my train of thought. I just feel out of it, I rub my eyes and splash some cold water on my face waking myself up.  I went to my closet to pick out an outfit, not trying too hard I picked out a pair of leggings and a big hoodie... your old hoodie, the one you gave me the night you told me you loved me. I pulled it over my head and wiped a tear from my cheek and taking deep breath. I walked downstairs to the kitchen for a second I thought I saw you cooking breakfast then quickly realized you were gone. Sometimes I feel you, your touch, your presence I know you're there.  I carry on with my day grabbing a bowl from the cupboard  and the milk from the fridge. I poured myself a bowl of cereal your favorite, Honey Nut Cheerios. It seemed as everything was reminding me of you I didn't doubt that you were there, I knew you were.  The hardest part is our son Noah, he looks just like you the same hair the same nose, every glance at him is a memory of us. He's turning one in just a few days... I wish you were here to see him. I grab my purse and keys and walk out the door. Hoping in to my car I start to drive to my mother in laws house... your moms house to pick up Noah. I knock on the door, Lisa opens it and the first thing that comes out of my lips is "one month", I burst into tears and fall in her arms she comforts me. I go into the house and see Noah in his jolly jumper he's watching tv, I go over to him and pick him up kissing him on the cheek "I missed you my baby boy" I say to him as he cluelessly sucks on his chubby fingers. Grayson walked in the room and looked at me instantly starting to cry. I handed Noah to Cam who was right beside me and let Grayson into a tight hug. I loved Ethan but no one on earth could have ever loved him more than Grayson did and this broke my heart.

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