These are stories of me venting. I put my emotions into these stories. My thoughts, feelings, and ideals. Some are sad some are joyful. Be nice, be thoughtful, and respectful. Remember I am always here for you!
PS: these come from my life. The ideas...
My eyes fluttered open. Damn. Morning already? I hopped out of bed nearly collasping. It wad intirerly too early for this. I examined myself in the mirror trying to remember why I had gotten so little sleep. Then it hit me. Him. We had stayed up late last night on Skype. I smiled to myself remembering what he told me. Me and him forever.
Remembering that I suddenly got a burst of energy. I quickly got ready for school and headed for the front door. Before I walked out I glanced at my door. I had bought him a rainbow ring not long ago. I was waiting for the perfect moment to give it to him. I sighed and walked out the door.
As I walk to school the only entertainment I had was to watch my own breathe in the cold air. I breathed out warm air watching it move infront of me. The cold air was biting away at my hands. They were beyond numb. As I approached my high school I began to feel nervous.
I opened the front doors to the school looking down. I made my way to the cafeteria where B and I meet ever morning. I looked around the cafeteria serveral times before seeing Blake in the back corner. I smiled and made my way to him. Before I got to him a thought crossed my mine "If B is gay...does he see me as a cis man?" I paused for a moment then started back toward him. I bent down and kissed him softly.
"Hey baby."
"Hey Skylar." He smiled at me as I sat next to him.
I wrapped my arm around his waist smiling up at him. I wasn't sure what to say. Damn being around him always made me nervous. I was worried what I say would hurt him. What I say would make him hate me. I was scared to lose him. I was zoning. Damn I was zoning infront of him.
"Skylar? You okey?"
"Uh...yea" I stammered.
"Um...hey B.. Do you see me as a cis male? I know you're gay and all, but some people don't...." I drifted off unsure of what to say. If i didn't make this clear before, I am transgender male (FtM) and I am pansexual.
"Skylar...of course I do. I love you." He gently leaned down and kissed me. I smiled. I smiled like a mad man. I trust this man with my heart. I trust this man with my life. This man has talked me out of suicide and cutting. This man has stayed up with me late nights just so I didn't feel lonely.
Today
It has been over a month since Blake and I broke up. We still talk and are friends.
Being the lame ass boy I am, I got on instagram. I never got around to turning off my post notifications for when B posts. I noticed he had posted something new. What I read made my heart break all over again...
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H-he lied. He lied. He sayed he saw me as a cis male. He said he would always love me. He hurt me. He said he wouldn't hurt me, but here it is. He hurt me.
I cried. I vented. I typed this. I feel better. My girlfriend messaged me. She cheered me up. After all today has been a shit day. My family has been hard on me and I had to pack for a trip to Tennessee. Damn. I thought he was holding me together....but all he did was tear me apart. I'm thankful for what he did... But I can't forget how he lied and hurt me. My girlfriend messaged me constantly today to check up on me. She took care of me. She sees me as a cis male. Around her I'm always happy. If I ever am in need of a soldier to cry on she is there. She has been there. And hopefully will always be there.
_____________________ So this is really messy, but it matched my day. Think of this series as a diary. I need to vent to people. If I vent to people I know they seem to not care.
I only used my name because I don't want to expose anyone. Yes that screenshot is real. It effected me a lot.
My gf is gonna kill me it's 3:45am and I said I was gonna go to sleep. Oof welp I love her anyway💛.
