She Needs Love

Chapter Three

Song: Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie*

Ida stuffed all her supplies into the wooden drawers and shelves. It was time to go to her second lesson of the day. She didn't want to leave. In fact, there was nothing she wanted more in that moment than to stay right where she was. Safe, in her secret sanctuary.

She could already feel it. The unstoppable feeling of terror taking over her. Her breathing was ragged and uneven. She clenched her fists to keep her hands from shaking. Her body was tensing up and her pulse was rising. Fear twisted in her chest.

She was tempted to curl up in her chair and hide from the world. But she knew that the longer she stood behind the door trying to compose herself, the worse the outcome would be. It took every piece of her will and every fiber of her being to exit the door and leave her warmth behind.

Slowly, she walked towards the exit. As her hands trembled, she touched the round doorknob with her fingertips. She grasped it firmly and pulled.

It's okay. You can do this. Just look up. You're strong enough.

She kept her eyes glued to the floor. Not daring to lift her gaze once. As usual, her eyes studied the tiles as she walked. She could tell that Mr. Luiz had mopped the floors. They weren't as dusty as they had been earlier.

Throughout the whole class, Ida couldn't focus on anything but the raindrops slowly making their way down the window glass. Math wasn't exactly her strongest suit, but that wasn't the reason for her lack of concentration. She had something on her mind that refused to leave her alone. She always did. A train of thought that she never witnessed the end of.

She couldn't wait for school to be over. Not that going home was any better. In some ways, going back to the place she called home was so much worse. There was only one place in the entire world where she felt safe. The only place where she didn't feel like she was suffocating. A place that, for once, only could control. Somewhere that no one else had the power to invade.

The time was crawling by. The lesson went on. Their enthusiastic math teacher continued preaching about trigonometry, and Ida was consumed deeper and deeper by her thoughts. Whenever she got bored of studying the window glass, she went on to her second method of survival. Drawing. She turned around and reached for her backpack. Expecting her fingers to be met by the textured surface of her worn out sketchbook, she began digging around in her backpack. But the only thing that touched her fingertips was emptiness.

Her heart skipped a beat. Panic rose over her. She continued to dig, not wanting to believe the terrifying thought that suddenly became apparent to her.

Where is it?

Fear consumed her whole body. It's not in here. Her eyes became wide and a soft gasp slipped through her lips. Oh my god.

She desperately tried to recall the last place she had left it and looked up at the teacher. She wanted to leave immediately. Every second she spent unaware of where her book was, was an opportunity for someone to get ahold of all her deepest thoughts and secrets. Although she wanted to barge out of the classroom and search every inch of the Academy for her book, she didn't even try getting up. She didn't even consider it. She knew very well that she couldn't. She would rather have her insides ripped out than stand up in front of all these people.

Instead, she just sat there. Praying to a higher force that no one would find it. Praying that it was safe behind the locked door of her art studio. That her secrets would be left untouched and unknown. The secrets she had kept from the world. The secrets that had been kept from her.