Insincerity (Luke Hemmings)

chapter 01

Dear Soulmate,

I really don't know how to put this into words but I've been struggling lately. I still do not know who you are or how I would feel when the time comes when we meet for the first time. I just want you to ignite a light inside of me and make me feel complete. I'm a total fuckup but I honestly don't regret it. All of the hangovers, one night stands, and weed help me fill the void that exists deep in my soul. I know I'm being a little deep motherfucker right now but since you are my Soulmate, I would like to think that you would at least try to cope with me.

Let me introduce myself in case you forget because no one really bothers to remember me anyway. My name is Hayden Snyder, junior, heart breaker, loser, some 'wannabe punk girl' that people are intimidated of. I'm actually not that bad. I'm not punk for the record. The only person that calls me that is Alison Garner. Her and her little try hard followers would go all out to try to make themselves above other people. In this case, me. I actually don't give a single fuck about her little fake ass. 

I'm not with the latest trends. I usually just match a beanie with a flannel that I get from thrift shops and Forever 21. Nothing special. It's hard to survive in a school where every teenage girl listens to the same fucking boyband who look like bops and sing like bops. My friends introduced me to some music that I can actually tolerate so I guess that's a win for me. I like Marina and the Diamonds, Lana Del Rey, The Fray, and Nirvana.  I love the smell of rain and warm vanilla. Not together. Because that would just be nasty. My favorite flavor for Starbursts is cherry and my diet is mainly just baked hot Cheetos. I'm a hopeless romantic and a sucker for blue eyes. I have a nose piercing which my mom always is nagging at me to take it off. I'm not a talented, gifted, creative person. I'm actually pretty dull if you've noticed. I just want you to care for me and help me through this shitty hellhole that I call life.

I go to a school full of dumbfucks and stoned jocks who act like manwhores but are actually virgins wanting to get laid which I find quite amusing. I tend to write run-on sentences and I have shitty grammar so please ignore that. I'm actually decent when it comes to academics but I don't like to try because I learned that I wasn't born to please anybody that I didn't want to please. I could really try to stop swearing but whatever I guess. I don't give a shit. P.S., I have a habit of writing 'I' a lot which Mr. Larson gives me 2 hour lectures about so I would learn to stop. 

I've actually been trying to find you but  I look like a desperate idiot trying to find my Soulmate at a young age of 17. My mom met my dad at the tender age of 11 and here I am, wondering how the hell did that happen. Out of 7 billion people on this Earth, how could I possibly find you? It might be just pure luck. Or maybe there's this invisible force that attracts us together so we meet coincidentally. I really don't know and am frustrated. I hope that you are actually trying to find me but I know that I wouldn't want to find myself either so I don't blame you if you aren't.

Everyone my age doesn't give a shit and just runs around spreading their legs and giving each other sexually transmitted diseases while I, on the other hand, do it for the pleasure and feeling of what I think is lust. I might sound like a complete whore right now but I swear, I've only had sex 4 times with my previous boyfriends. But not at the same time if you were thinking that you nasty ass. I'm saving my 5th time for you. And hopefully the rest. I really want to meet you already and just cuddle and spend the rest of our lives together. This might sound like some chick flick or some sappy shit but I'm imagining that you'd actually enjoy reading this by the time you get my journal. that is, if I have the fucking guts to hand it to you.

I want you to be tall. Six feet maybe? With blue eyes that scream I love you with all my heart. I have a fetish for piercings and tattoos too if you didn't know. I literally cannot wait to meet you anymore.

I'm going to end it here because if I'm late to school one more time, then Larson's going to give me detention.

That fucking asshole.

Love, .... I don't know what to put here or what you want to call me so I'll just put :)

Anyways,

Love, :)