Ted: Last Thursday

The Misfortune of a Rich Boy

Authoress' Note: Hello my fellow readers! Ever since I started playing RPG Maker FES, I will admit that I had zero ideas of writing. However, after opening this package, new ideas started to flow into me that I began giggling to myself. It's rare that I indulge in humor, even rarer that I would write a zany story so compelling that I had to start writing it on the computer just to control my urge to create without direction.

As a result, I decided to write an original story filled with action, adventure, comedy, drama, and a whole bunch of other stuff that doesn't make sense. Now this story will not be updated often, but if there's a lot of interest, I might let others add their own ideas of how to progress this plotless story/game.

Anyway, enjoy!

Ted: Last Thursday

Prologue

Once upon a time, in a faraway land lived...

...wait, wait, wait! I'm not reading this crap like it happened a long time ago. Sheesh!

This ain't your typical fairy tale, and I ain't your typical fairy.

My name is Sassbell, and I'm the narrator of this story.

Why? Because that idiot is currently tending to my plantation of pot.

Yeah, that's right. I am an evil fairy who technically owns a human.

Why you may ask? Because he's a dumbass.

Anyway, where was I?

Ah yes. How did I come across an idiot such as Ted?

Well, it all started last Thursday...

_________

Ted was eager to go visit his girlfriend who was in the forest by herself. He was wearing one of his cosplay outfits that he had his mother recently sew based off a promotion of one of his favorite comic characters: the Red Caped Gentleman. His girlfriend on the other hand was the bandit Kate the Katgirl, one of the Red Caped Gentleman's many foes that he had to fight to save the day.

As he approached her, he noted that something was amiss. She seemed sad for some odd reason, and was worried about her when she looked at him. Ever since he took her away from her abusive father, he had doted on her like any boyfriend should. So why would she suddenly look crestfallen?

"How are you baby?" Ted asked the purple-cat eared girl. "I need to head back to my mom's and..."

"Don't leave me!" Kate cried. "I'm pregnant!"

"What?" Ted was flabbergasted. "I thought we were going steady until your dad dies!"

"My dad disowned me because you kidnapped me!" Kate growled angrily. It was true that she had gone along with Ted willingly, but after that, she received a text message that told her everything.

"When did he do this again?"

"Last week. You need to get a job." Kate snapped. Her unborn child was not going to be on food stamps if she had her way. The last thing she wanted was to avoid having to deal with welfare and be like all of the other women she's seen on television.

Ted ran to the exit of the forest, collapsed on the ground. A spotlight shined down upon him as he despaired.

"Why is this happening to me?" Ted whimpered in utter dread, his spirits shaken. He decided he had only one person who could help him out.

_________

Ted walked through the doors of his parent's estate with a cloud over his head. He saw his mother standing outside his father's study. Cautiously, he approached the woman who seemed to be in a good mood.

"How are you today?" Ted's mother asked.

With a laugh, Ted announced to his mother, "I'm pregnant!"

The woman's mood did a 180 degree turn as she glared coldly at her son. "Get out."

"Why?" Ted asked, somewhat saddened by his mother's rejection. Surely, she was kidding.

"Because no deadbeat son of mine is going to live here with another mouth to feed," the woman hissed with disdain. While Ted's family had riches, the woman known as his mother was no pushover. In fact, she was even worse than his ever absent father who stayed away from home for obvious reasons.

"Fine, I'll find another place to go," Ted grimaced as the scene went dark. 'Maybe I'll try the place at the little fairy's tree. I'm sure she wouldn't mind the company...'

_________

Ted ventured off to his backyard, which for some reason was a vacant lot where an old tree hollowed out from the inside stood. A couple of dead tree trunks littered the ground with a single tree stump that had been his brother's tree house until Ted took an axe to it and broke it to the ground. Ted realized that he hadn't seen his brother in years. Not since he left for Harvard to become a lawyer, so he could sue Ted for all he owned.

The fairy sat not far from the entrance of the tree house, her blue wings keeping her aloft as she stood wary of Ted as he approached.

"After thousands of years of slumber, who dares awaken...?" The fairy's booming voice shook the earth as she spoke, scaring Ted. "Oh. It's just a boring human." Without missing a beat, she grinned sadistically at the cowering man. "Well, I always wanted a slave. Go kill the dragon in my garden. And don't let the pot burn, slave!"

"Y-yes mam!" Ted quivered, wondering if he had made a mistake coming here. He had noticed the dragon appear out of thin air after the fair was done talking to him.

Cautiously, Ted walked over to where the dragon stood, his long wings flapping menacingly. Arming himself with a baseball bat, he adjusted the bathrobe he was wearing, remembering all the times he was teased in high school for pretending to be Harry Potter. He had remembered all the hazing he had endured all because his wand was stolen.

Well, at least one of his friends gave him a baseball bat and he enacted revenge on the bullies—which of course got him kicked out of high school altogether, but that is another story.

The battle against the dragon was as you would expect—he growled fiercely as Ted took the baseball bat and used his skill:

"Beat it!" Ted roared and bashed the creature for over 9000 damage. The dragon crumbled to the ground as Ted leveled up seven times. "I won!"

Running back to the fairy, Ted saw her grin wickedly, almost though she was encouraging the unnecessary violence.

"You passed the test. Good," the fairy confirmed.

"Yeah. Barely," Ted gasped in exhaustion.

"I have some bad news," the fairy continued. "You're going back."

"Wait, what?" Ted questioned in fear.

"Bye!" The fairy grinned coldly, prepared to send the poor boy to his death once again.

"Oh my God! NOOOOO!" Ted screamed as he ran away from the heartless fairy from his backyard. He did not want to go through destroying yet another dragon. Said dragon emerged from the plantation of pot and flew over to the fairy, a bump still on his head from the previous battle.

"Little fairy, where did Ted go?" The dragon questioned.

"I'll tell you where he's not," the fairy smirked as the lighting quickly shifted to black. "Safe."

To Be Continued?