Love me like I love you (Jaegan- ish)

5~ Betrayal!

Just to let you guys know, this is a bigass chapter. I spent time on it. You're welcome.

Justin's POV
I lay breathless next to Raegan.
"That....was....amazing....." i get out.
"Ugh justin. All we did was kissssss."
"I knowwwww. Next time ;p"
I wrap my arm around him and fall asleep.
**time skip**
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing.
Raegan was still asleep.
"Hello..?"
"Hi! This is Willow Creek Hospital. Is this Justin Blake?"
Crap..
"Uh y-yes it is.. "
"Do you know a Deja Lively?"
"WHAT ROOM IS SHE IN?!"
"Calm down, sir. Room 274."
I wake raegan up and tell him what's going on.
**time skip to hospital**
I open the door and see Deja sleeping.
"D-doctor what happened?" I say, trying not to cry.
"She had a severe anxiety attack. She suffered some hallucinations, and a few bruises from falling, and has miscarried one of the twins. But she is fine."
"Okay thank.... BABY?"
"Oh.. sir, she is nine weeks pregnant. And i'm sorry to say that one of two babies have not survived."
There's the tears.
That's what she didn't want to tell me.
Deja..
I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be okay.
I wanted to tell her i'd be there for our babies.
I felt horrible.
But I ran into raegan's arms and he held me, shushing me as i sobbed into his 'thrasher' hoodie.
"Hey.. do you want to come over?" He asked.
I couldn't stop crying. I wanted to say yes.
"Or do you want me to take you home?"
I shook my head no.
"i-i-i... i w-want to go with you."
"Okay. C'mon."
He carried me bridal style while laughing. He put me in the backseat of his car and I fell asleep.
I woke up in his bed, but he was gone. It was light outside. I slept throughout the night.
Raegan's POV
Justin was going to wake up soon, so I needed to put my binder on quickly.
I found it under my dresser and wrestled into it.
Before I could get it on, I saw justin-
Looking at me.
"G-good morning justin!"
"Is that a chest binder?"
"Y-yea...."
"You're trans?"
I was about to cry, but faught back tears. I won.
"Y-yep.."
"Cool!"
"Cool?"
"Yeah! I support you no matter what, Rae."
"Awh.. justin.."
"I love you Raegan."
"I love you too justin.. i'm gonna take a shower."
"Okay."
As he left the room, i saw a 'book' next to me.
It was called Suicide and Cutting: the final step.
Does Raegan want to kill himself??
I decided to read it.
"What is the point of being alive?
That question.
That question has the answer right in it.
You just can't see it.
You see, The point of living is to die. That is the main purpose in life. And all my friends know good and well I hate living. Now, I would be considered 'lucky', and yes maybe i do have a better life than most people. But here's the thing.
People that don't have 'stuff' who i'm 'luckier' than are honestly luckier than me.
Maybe I didn't have everything, no.
But the purpose of living is to die.
And look fam, i'm SORRY that I have to get up EVERY SINGLE DAMN MORNING just to be considered a decent human. I'm SORRY that I have to show up early in the morning when i'm tired. IM SORRY I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING I'M EXPECTED TO. I'm sorry i exist.
Just because i seem alive, doesn't mean i'm alive inside.
You see, the 'point' of life is to be born, go to school, go to collage, work, marry, have kids and die right?
Wrong.
We were all literally BORN TO DIE.
I don't want to be considered 'basic'
I don't want to be looked at like i'm 'normal'
Because inside we are all different and we have the ways we want to go.
We just follow the same footsteps that everyone WANTS us to follow right?
NO.
EVERYONE WANTS TO GO A DIFFERENT WAY.
They're just scared to change it.
But you can change this.
SHOW THE WORLD THAT YOU WILL GO YOUR OWN WAY.
And i may not have many people joining me,
But i sure as hell am NOT just going to sit here
Because i don't know how much time i have left.
We can all do our own thing.
We don't have to 'follow rules' or 'be the best'
Because our only purpose,
Our only goal,
Is to get to the end of life
And cross that finish line.
Think about it like this,
Life is a race.
When you're born,
It starts.
That race?
The human race.
You run through, and there may be so many obsticles you just want to stop and die.
But don't.
You want to be the one
RACING TOWARDS THE END
and keep going until you can't no more.
Because everyone has a different mile time.
Everyone finishes at a differnt pace.
Think about this. A man wrote this poem, Slow dance:
Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask, "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last..
When you run so fast to get somewhere,
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
____
Now I hope you understand,
And will join me.
Because together,
We can finish this race."

W-what?
I then saw Raegan, standing at the door.

Is raegan suicidal? 🙊 What will happen to Deja and Justin? Next chapter up soon. You're welcome for this big chapter.