road trip.

[58] goldfishes

AUTHOR'S NOTE : i wanted taehyung to make video logs for jungkook to watch later so i created this idea of formatting this chapter to resemble a folder on your computer, a folder which has taehyung's video logs saved as thumbnails. so once you've "clicked" on the said thumbnails, taehyung's videos start and you get to "watch" them.
it's confusing but as you read through, it should make sense!! so sit back n pretend you're jungkook, clicking onto these thumbnails and watching taehyung's little logs :D
_______________________

DEAR DAD,
                      ive left home.
you might've sussed it out already judging by the clothes missing in my closet, by my tidied bedsheets and just by, well, the lack of me.

before you scrabble for your phone and call the police commissioner, demanding for police officers to be posted all over daegu or start frantically questioning the poor housemaids, i want you to sit down and, for once in your life, listen to what i have to say.
can you do that for me, dad?

ive left home because i don't want to take on the path you've laid out for me ever since i stepped foot inside kim mansions, aged four and a half –– i don't want to take on the position as CEO of kim enterprises or become, well, a duplicate of you.
i want to be my own person, i want to live life to the fullest and with no regrets, i want to decide things for myself, dad. i want to be free.

i don't want to continue living this unnatural life that's been made for me — you couldn't even call it life. no, im a mere carrier for everyone's expectations; your expectations, mom's expectations, the media's expectations—
but what about my expectations in life?
no one asks me that. perhaps, if someone asked me that question when i was thirteen, i would've blindly replied with "continue my father's legacy" but now, now if you ask me that, my answer would be very different because ive had enough of this bullshit, dad. im done.

do you know that moments before i go up on stage to address a press conference, i have the habitual need to throw up due to nerves? do you know that parties makes me feel so claustrophobic i feel close to fainting? do you know that i have to prepare and memorise five paged speeches because i can't naturally spew out attractive words to impress the media? do you know how much cried when i received a b– for a grade and realised i wasn't allowed to come home from boarding school for the christmas holidays? do you know just how depressed i felt?

shit, dad, you don't know, you don't know just how unhappy i am with everything.

but it's okay now because im ditching the title "heir of kim enterprises" to become simply "kim taehyung." kim taehyung who want to— no, is definitely going to take on another path. a path that ive chosen for myself. and ive decided already: the path i want to delve into is art. no, i don't want to create art (you know how much i suck at art) but i mean, maybe curate art or become a gallery director? im not sure yet.

i adore art and you know that: you always take me to art exhibitions and galleries to see marvellous pieces but you see, there's something off about them, in my opinion.
these pieces, they're made for money, for recognition, for status — they're made to look appealing, beautiful. but just open your eyes and look; there's even more beautiful, and funnily enough, unintentional art surrounding us, dad, and i can't believe it took me getting kidnapped to realise that.

i won't think too deep into the matter because it'll only result in pain, but i saw real art; i saw intricately detailed tattoos, specks of glistening rain thundering against weakened windows, the tendrils of cigarette smoke encasing someone whole, messily painted fingernails belonging to a drunken worker from a love motel— and the list goes on.